Finding a new groove

Ok, so I am going to get my backside into gear. I've dropped off on the posting a fair bit and I need to get my groove back.

I used to love Friday nights because Scorpio would arrive at my place which meant I could knock off the parenting responsibilities immediately (except for screaming orders at him from the lounge room) pour myself a drinky poo and dribble out all the ridiculousness life had brought me for the week.

Things are MENTAL around here lately, I've lost my Friday night off and I'm finding it hard to blawg. So I figure if I FORCE myself to write it might help. See because I have stopped dribbling regularly, the thoughts are backing up....since lately this is my ONLY outlet it's gonna get ugly.

I might start telling random strangers my life story. I might start telling the telemarketers Ways To Improve Their Selling Technique, or worse still I might join the Kindergarten Committee - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!





I just want my groove back.....maaaaaan.

For the love of The Hat

I love hats.

I have several but I've lost more than I possess but right now I'm travelling just fine with one pink and one black knitted cap. Toasty.

My first fave was my black Greek Fisherman Hat and it was worn to death, I've gone through a pink cowboy hat phase before I switched to white.

I have a couple of these little numbers in storage somewhere






My brother gave me an Afghanistan Freedom Fighter hat for my 21st, but I didn't wear that around much - it was waaay hot.

I love straw hats, I especially love great big floppy black ones for summer.

I have plenty of gardening hats - that's where my glam summer hats go to retire when they have been sat on or drowned in the pool once too often.


For the life of me I can't understand why more people aren't wearing hats.

It's FREEZING. You lose all that heat off your head AND fashion opportunities AND ways to cover your cold, limp hair.


I have some lovely brass hooks I am going to drill into the walls at my new house (when no one is looking) - no home is complete without somewhere to hang your hat.

Cheers

The Fallout

HA - seriously, did you think I was going to get in trouble for unauthorised flogging of Batchelors bank account??

OF COURSE NOT.

Like I said, he knew what he was doing by giving me access to his bank account. He's a growned up man.

Also, we have known each other for 10+ years and in that time I have often been his Claytons Wife. I am his date to various work functions and weddings.

And I require a new dress and glammo shoes every so often if I am to carry out my Claytons Wifely duties so it's not like it's a new concept. If I do say so myself I'm a damn fine pretend wife.

I don't care if he doesn't get up and dance with me at weddings, if he actually does get up and boogie I think it's funny when he makes a fool of himself. Or dances with everyone else's wives.
I think it's hysterical when he drinks too much and gets loud. I never tell him when he's 'had enough' because I don't care....I don't have to deal with him at home *snigger.

I can tell off his boss for being a dork or overworking him at business functions and they think I'M funny because I'm not his wife.

So this whole thing works pretty well - being a pretend wife is waaaay easier than a real one and I'm pretty full on the husband quota already *snort

Very Bad Things Part 5

Oh I am ROTTEN, I really am.

Last week The Bachelor asked me to do an errand for him. I am happy to help him like that because I like living in his house. He gave me his keycard.

I had several things on the list, but when I got to the shopping centre I completely forgot what they were.

There are so many huge sales on.....you know where this is going right?

Yeah, I gave his card a flogging. Well, it was only a medium sized flogging -ok?

I bought 2 skirts, 3 tops and a new hat and quite frankly it's all his fault.

WHY? Because he gave me his key card.

He KNOWS me, he knows what I'm like and also knows I haven't bought myself any new clothes since the last Ice Age.

He also told me a few weeks ago that he got a huge amount back from his tax.

He knows I have an important party to go to.


So as you can see, The Batchelor asked me...NO, begged me to run amok at his expense.

When I came out of my spell, and looked down at all the bags in my hand I dropped my high just a little. I felt slightly bad and I tried my best to remember what I was really supposed to be doing. For the life of me I could not remember what he wanted me to do for him.

So I bought him some socks.

The End.

Gushy Love Letter....

Ach - I can't help it. I gotta blurt it out.

Super mummies I LOVE YOU.

I knew I loved you before I knew you. I found your blogs and you made me laugh, I followed you, read you and felt something in common with you - even if I couldn't put a finger on it.

Then I noticed. You are the mothers of the Spectrum children. You live, love and sometimes fall down just like everybody else...but you do it, describe it and pull yourselves back up with a grin like no one else.



*grin - I know you get that.

So thanks for the laughs, and thanks for the insight. I rarely ask questions in the comments section but when I do you always respond and are happy to share whatever you can with me.

And if you lot haven't gone nuts yet - I know I won't anytime soon. Or will I?

Cheers

An Unholy Obsession

Okay, so I love Brie. It always scared me as a child, probably because it all seemed so grown up. And smelly. I only started eating Brie about 5 years ago, because it was on the long list of Foods You May Not Eat Whilst You Are Pregnant. So basically, even though it never interested me before, I decided I wanted it purely because I couldn't have it.

Now whilst I was breastfeeding I lost a frightening amount of weight. I'm fairly small anyway but when I look back at the photos during that time (in which I look like a strung out meth head) I can understand why everyone was urging me to eat.

So I ate lotsa Brie and chocolate. Pooooor, pooooor me. Then I stopped feeding Betty and my ability to evaporate billions of calories through milk production alone ceased and the Brie has now become a treat. Cos I eat an entire wheel to myself and it's best I only consume it once a month. Restraint ain't my thing either....

Now it's reached a scary peak of obsession. I have noticed I have started Brie Rituals.

Put Brie on the plate as soon as the children are in bed. Correct temperature is important.
Do ALL the housework. I cannot eat The Brie in a messy environment.

To truly deserve The Brie I must also prepare for the next day - ie putting the childrens clothes out ready for the morning. I don't usually do this.

Now I have an open fireplace I start a fire and settle in.

BUT tonight, when The Batchelor brought me some Brie unexpectedly AND laid it all out ready with bikkies I decided I must shower before I eat The Brie.


Next month I will probably add a Brie Dedication and wear a special Brie headdress for The Consumption Ceremony.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I've been doing this for less than a year now. I started this after a friend of mine suggested I put it in writing instead of blowing her ear off every afternoon. I really enjoy blogging and in the beginning I wasn't sure what I wanted out of this.


I know what I don't want. I don't want to network, it's too much work for someone that just wants to write and try to get better at it.

I don't want sponsorship, I don't think this site will change the world.

I'm not writing "CEO inspired brilliance" or trying to "turn personal stories into universal lessons". I'll leave that shit to Dancing With The Stars or Masterchef....oh unless you count my story about why you SHOULDN'T teach your kids to call 000. Uni-fucking-versal lesson that one.

For fear of offending the shit out of everyone....sometimes the blog world feels a little like Facebook. Collecting friends, whining when someone ceases to follow. I've had someone cheerily comment on a post of mine but ran screaming back to their own blog about how offended they were at the content. Bluuergh. Can't be fucked.

I'm decluttering. I'm changing over to following some blogs by RSS because I have too many and keep missing things and feel like I can't keep up.

I suppose I just want to let everyone know I'm 'dropping out'. There's things about the blog world that ain't my style and I'm not dissing it or anyone but I just don't want to play is all.

But I will confess I fucking HATE Post It Note Tuesday, it's my one day of the week I can catch up my reading and I'm confronted by walls of fucking post it notes AAaggghhh!