Following on from Ocsober...

I've done a few posts on my views of drinking - HERE and HERE and HERE
including how I have handled my teen daughter and the alcohol factor.

I've had lots of conversations with lots of people about drinking. Considering my obvious love of a drop or 5 I think people can be rather surprised at the fact I simply refused to let my daughter drink until she was 18.


Parental influence shapes a childs attitude to drinking. From every side of every argument - behind it all is your experience as a child. Ummm, says me - but anyway.

My experience.

My parents are drinkers. My family are big drinkers. Every event we have (maybe twice a year) alcohol is flowing freely. We have a wonderful time, we laugh, we sing, we dance. My family have run pubs and red wine is in my veins.

But from that came my Alcohol Education. It was/is unspoken. You EARN your place in the world as an adult. You learn to hold your drink. This doesn't mean jam as much as you can down your throat and manage to keep standing. It means knowing your limit. Everyone has different limits. I would DIE rather than be seen stumbling in front of my family.

From my family I learnt respect for alcohol and what it can do. Just because it was everywhere didn't mean it was for everyone. A good night at the pub is just as much about being a good host and customer service as anything. Most of us have either managed a pub or worked behind the bar. We have seen it all sober, the good and the bad.

My parents had a cocktail after work and a beer after working in the garden. Yes - alcohol was always around and I only ever saw it being consumed responsibly (except when dad had one too many and fell in the pool whilst he was cleaning it. Mums pursed lips was a sign it was NOT alright *grin)

Not everyone has my experience, I have friends with parents that abused it terribly and won't touch a drop. That grew up under the influence of alcohol in the worst possible way. I have met teens that go to groups like Alateen because they are afraid they won't be able to stop like their mum or dad, even though they haven't even started.

Alcohol abuse costs this country millions a year in damages. It has the power to
ruin families and break hearts as well as bodies.




Your children are watching...what do you do to ensure their education? Because you know it doesn't start when they are teens don't you?

Teen Queen learns....

So...I spent alot of time consciously educating my teenage daughter about drinking. Did it work?

Here are my past posts on the subject HERE and HERE


When she was 16 she was invited to a small party. I didn't know about it until I called my father that night for a chat. Teen Queen has stayed overnight at her grandads on a Friday since she was little. Dad told me about the party and when I made seething noises down the phone he assured me he met the girls father and he seemed very very nice. I trust dad's judgement, but I was still annoyed Teen Queen hadn't mentioned it. Not much I could do now, I would ground her when she got home for not telling me she planned to go.


I had just resettled the baby and the phone rang. My blood ran cold. At 11.30pm it's never going to be good news. Scorpio picked up the phone and spoke for a bit, then passed the phone to me. "It's your mother, Teen Queen isn't hurt don't panic." My MOTHER? She lives nearly an hour away, what the?


It turns out my daughter is pissed out of her tree at this party. Her friends tried to call me but they couldn't prise the phone from her drunken fingers. She only released it on the promise no one would call me. I'm mortified - how embarrassing to hear my daughter is drunk from her grandmother!


Mum let me know the parents of the party girl were on the way to my place to drop off Teen Queen. I quickly got dressed and waited in the driveway ready to clobber whoever let my child get in that state whilst in their care. They arrived shortly after, Teen Queen in the back set with a bucket on her lap and friends on either side holding her hair out of the way. Scorpio practically carried her into the house, she could barely walk.


I squared up to the father. WHAT on earth was he doing allowing this to occur? He apologised but quickly explained he was bewildered himself. Whilst he did allow alcohol at his home, it was only a small party and he was supervising the entire time. He said one minute she was fine and chatting away, the next she just dropped to the floor. He didn't understand because she couldn't have had more than 2 drinks.


There was a horrendous noise from the house, so I thanked him and returned inside to find dear Teen Queen lying on the floor of the kitchen retching into the recycle bin. I demanded to know what she had drunk and how much. "Only one drink mummy", she said over and over (now I'm mummy lol) in between dry heaving into my bin. What was it, was colour was the bottle, who gave it to you?? Silence. Heave. Did you take anything else? "No muuuummeee, I promise".


I was concerned someone had spiked her drink because one drink just could not produce results like that, but she also seemed to be telling the truth. I left her there on the floor, satisfied she wasn't going to die of alcohol poisoning and had a cup of tea whilst calming down.


I called mum to let her know what was happening. "One drink, are you sure?" she asks, then thinks for awhile. "Well either she takes after her father or you brought the wrong baby home from the hospital - she certainly doesn't take after our side of the family". Too bloody right.


I went inside, poured her into bed whilst telling her she was no child of mine due to her pathetic efforts. Scorpio and I sat up for awhile laughing our asses off at the thought of Teen Queen stumbling to the toilet tripping over all the crap all over her bedroom floor.


She was sick for the rest of the weekend but I had no sympathy, just handed her the phone and made her call her grandma, grandad, the party girl AND her father to apologise.

That was a couple of years ago now, and she only recently confessed that whilst it was true she only had one drink, she let someone (a guy) she didn't know make it for her. She knew it was stronger than it should have been but she thought she knew better than her mumma.


THE END.

Teenagers and alcohol

Expect your child to try and break the bond between you and them. They are trying to become independent and lets face it, when you want to be BIG the parents have gotta go.

I told Teen Queen that I would ‘teach her to drink’. This did not mean giving her the taste so she could win drinking competitions at the local pub. More like a modern “Keeping Yourself Nice”.

I let her have a taste of the drink I was drinking whilst cooking dinner. She learnt to identify what taste (if any) and if it was too strong.
I explained the term ‘standard drink’, showed her a 30ml measure. I went over how alcohol can affect a person differently due to weight, the time of your menstrual cycle, if you have eaten etc.

I DID tell her in no uncertain terms that she wasn’t to drink those ridiculous alcopops or any other nasty cheap stuff. Standards people, standards!

NEVER to let anyone else mix a drink for her or to leave a drink unattended. I gave her more real life reasons for this.

I told her that without a doubt that any male who wanted to buy/provide an underage teenage girl a drink was up to no good and to avoid them at all costs. ALL COSTS. Yes darling Teen Queen you are beautiful and interesting, but these men/boys just want to get into your knickers.

I didn’t go on about the reasons why Teen Queen shouldn’t drink - there is a part of the teenage brain that immediately switches off when it senses a lecture approaching – I gave her information and hoped that she used it. HOPED??? Hoped – you say?? Will that be enough? I think it has to be, it’s not like I would be able to tag along everywhere she went.

I didn’t “sit her down” or sermonize, I didn’t speak to her like a child. I used whatever opportunities arose day to day. This went on over a period of years. All of this time I dropped her off and picked her up from parties. I called nearly every friends parents and introduced myself – I made quite a few connections with other parents with the same values as I.



Did it work? I’ll tell you next week……



brought to you by the nutter Lori at

Parenting Teens - should you let them drink alcohol?

So it's another Saturday night and teens everywhere around the place will be drinking alcohol...at 13, 14, 17 years old. Some with their parents blessing, some not.

But they will do it anyway won't they? We all have stories to tell - "my parents wouldn't allow it, but I did it anyway" or "my parents let us have a drink at home and I didn't abuse the privilege".


If you don't want your teen (or future teen) to drink, you have to really ask yourself why that is. You also have to plan for the fact you may not have the same close relationship with your child that you envision you will. It cracks me up laughing when I hear some parents say "oh we are going to sit down and talk about it". Bwhaahahahaha! What makes you think they are going to listen to you if/when they are full of teen arrogance and the 'rage against the machine attitude' that came out of nowhere.

My daughter turned 18 years old last month (the legal drinking age in Oz), and I can tell you that I fought, kicked and screamed that she did not drink alcohol before then. It was a massive bone of contention between Teen Queen and I, but I held fast. I know that she certainly did drink before then......but I still won the fight AND the battle.

I didn't want her to drink for several reasons. The effects alcohol has on a developing brain. The fact that teens engage in risk taking behaviour already, the fact that the liver cannot metabolise alcohol during these years....all the boring stuff.
The other reasons - is because she is more likely to do things she will regret, that through alcohol her danger radar will fuzz, and the fact that boys/men WILL try to take advantage of her sexually if she is drunk or even tipsy.

So I told Teen Queen all of these things. I told her she did not have my blessing to drink alcohol before she turned 18, and that when the time was right I would TEACH her how to drink. Huh?

Well from the age of about 15/16 I did let her have a sip of my drink. ONE SIP - why? So she could learn to identify the contents. She was surprised how tasteless Vodka can sometimes be. I told her stories from my years behind the bar, how one night 2 men came in with 2 very naive looking girls. About how these 'men' ordered double vodka and orange drinks for the ladies and beer for themselves. I also told her how I only put half-shots in those drinks, charged them the full amount and (put the difference in the tip jar) watched with glee when they got ridiculously drunk whilst these very sweet looking girls looked on in disgust.

At the first party Teen Queen was invited where alcohol would be served (a girls 15th!), I refused to let her stay overnight. I picked her up at 12 o'clock and spoke to the mother, told her that my daughter was not permitted to drink and that I expected her to respect my wishes. Which she did.

As much as Teen Queen hated me then, I didn't care. I was too busy being shocked that parents I had known since our kids were at primary school (and thought had half a brain) were dropping their 14 year old daughters off at this same party with a 4 pack of alcopops!

Bloody hell, we both learnt something that night.

I learnt that 'supervised party' can actually mean 'I will be in the general vicinity whilst several teenagers get so drunk they throw up and be too busy/drunk myself that I won't notice my own child is so drunk she is in her bedroom with several boys'.

Teen Queen was actually quite happy to be picked up....the party was practically over by 10pm, everyone there was drunk and stupid. She was a bit shocked at the behaviour of the friends she had known for years. "Thomas is such a sweetie mum, but you should have SEEN him.....Annie was just out of it on the floor and didn't even care they lifted up her skirt.....I thought Marcus was nice but he was just awful, and Tahlias uncle was there and he tried to kiss me yuuuuuk!"

She saw it all through clear eyes, just like I wanted her to.


To be continued...