Uncooking

Let's get this straight - there ain't gonna be nooooo recipes on this blog. I'll leave that to those with a huge passion. My cooking passion is waning due to crap kitchen, however this is how I do an Apple Pie.

Wait for children to go out with Scorpio.
Sit in front of telly (Grand Designs) , peel and slice 6 apples.
Put in pan with 1/4 cup water, sugar and a big sprinkle of cinnamon.
Cook slowly until its all soft.
When smelling wonderful and looking slightly translucent, get distracted by something shiny and let it burn.

Repeat step 2 - decide to do strudel instead, thaw puff pastry.
Stand over apple so it doesn't burn and scream threats at children from the kitchen window.
Cut pastry sheet in half.
Fold over edges of sheet, load it with apple.
Get funky and cut strips from other sheet and place over top lattice style.
Build up edges of pastry and seal latticey bits down.
Place in moderate oven
Get distracted by something shiny.
Notice strudel is about to burn, make mad dash to the oven to save it - tripping over the scooter that miraculously appeared in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Tell Scorpio you are going out for the night and use said strudel as bribe....