Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Why I avoid the yearly Fat Man photos....





Well first off I can't be arsed waiting in the long lines.

Second, I can't be arsed explaining why there is a Santa on every corner.

Third, I KNOW it's not Santa and I get weird about telling the kids to sit on a strangers lap.

Fourth, like 90% of children, mine are petrified of Shopping Centre Santa.

Except last year. We had a Shopping Centre Santa experience of sorts and it was enough to put me off till I'm 103. It was quiet at the shops (no idea why) and Santa was sitting in his chair looking kinda lonely. After several minutes of observation both Betty and Cyclone decided it was safe to approach.

Things went well, I didn't want photos but we were allowed to speak to The Fat Man. The Cyclone had a lovely if tentative conversation about trains whilst Betty hid behind my legs. After awhile Santa brings out his bag of tricks which I could see was full of lollies. Betty inches closer. I somehow got a little Christmas spirit when I saw 2 pairs of eyes starting to glow. Cyclone was actually talking to someone he didn't know, Betty shuffled a little closer again when the conversation turned to dolls.

THEN IT HAPPENED.

Santa asked if the children would like a sweet. They nodded. Santa puts his hand into the bag and brings it out closed.

"Guess which colour sweet is in my hand, son".

Ooooh SHIT. Inside my head I am screaming "YOU STUPID JOLLY BASTARD, HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT PORTALS TO HELL YOU HAVE JUST UNLOCKED? IF HE GUESSES WRONG HIS SCREAMS WILL SHATTER GLASS AND HE MAY WELL KICK YOU IN THE SHINS, SAINT NICK OR NO!"

I watched the face of the Cyclone...he was shifting from foot to foot and I could see the panic rising in his face. He had a one in 6 chance of getting this right. I don't like those odds and either do Aspies. Santa was oblivious.


Ummm.......green?, guesses Cyclone. My panic lessened only slightly when he didn't say blue (his fave) because I knew there were no blue sweets in there.

Slowly the Fat Man uncurled his fist and there it was


GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smiles all around, Cyclone couldn't stop talking about it for days and I needed a stiff eggnog when I got home to calm my rattled nerves.

I think I'll wait until they are teens, in which case it's most likely the above photo will look familiar, if their older sister is anything to go by....


Thanks to Awkward Family Photos for the pic





Another random entry for Flog Yo Blog hosting by the nutbag Lori at RRASHAM.....

9 comments:

Jo-anne (Blossy) said...

Thank goodness that lolly was green and Cyclone guessed correctly. I can just picture how upset your aspie would've been. I know what my boy was like when he was younger.

MultipleMum said...

We avoid them too. My kids are scared of Santa! I love that pic - it is all about the red suit in our shopping centre. I would be much more interested in getting a Santa shot if I found that cute bloke acting the part!

Fiona said...

your child is Psychic!!!

Rachel said...

Totally with you on this subject... he might not scare my kids but he sure as hell scares me.... I cant stand the idea of my kids sitting on a strange lap..asking for stuff that I know I'm not gonna go buy... so whats the point.
First visit here from FYBF

Maxabella said...

I like Santa photos. I'm cool with him. x

life in a pink fibro said...

I love that pic.We don't do Santa pics but only because I can't get my kids anywhere near him. I'm kind of sad. Some of the most awkward family photos from my childhood include the ubiquitous Santa shot.

Shanee said...

I'm your newest follower from the Friday Blog Hops! Come check out my blog at: http://adventuresofathriftymommy.blogspot.com/

Have a great day!

Mommy said...

We took our wee one to see Santa & the look on her face in the photo is priceless. ha. Happy Holidays! I'm your newest follower.

Tania from http://myadventures-in-mommyland.blogspot.com/
(I luv new friends hint hint)

Hanna said...

Hi There! I am your newest follower from the blog hop. Lovely blog!! You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com
take a peek at my giveawys when you stop by. I currently have 7 going on and everything is handmade and GORGEOUS:) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!