Friday, February 26, 2010

Very Bad Things Part 2

I crashed Daddys car. Actually I ROLLED it.

One minute I was on a windy road thinking "jeez, you have to be careful on these roads when it drizzles like this", then I hit a teeeeny pothole....

I was doing 45 kms and I know this because I looked at the dashboard as I prepared to enter a sharpish bend.

All of a sudden the entire front of the car lifted. I became airborne. I took my hands off the steering wheel (no point steering when you are flying), screamed NOOOOOOO and then the world turned upside down.

This car was a great big, heavy FORD...and it flew, then it flipped and slid down the hill on it's roof. It was about 15 metres but it felt like a lifetime. I also remember being more worried about the jar of olives and dads camera that fell out of the console and narrowly missed my head.

Imagine surviving initially but being killed by a random jar of olives.

It eventually stopped on the gravel (the NOISE!), and there I was hanging upside down by the seatbelt with the engine still running. Hmmm, what to do?

Turn off the ignition. Look around. Notice a car slowing down in coming the other way. Notice it begin to speed up again. BEEEEEEEEP the horn madly whilst still hanging upside down.

Unclick my seatbelt, land on my neck and a shitload of glass. Notice 500 people crowded around the car trying to prise open the mashed up doors. Crawl to the back of the car and wind the window down.....erm UP and am dragged to freedom in one piece by a man wearing a flannette shirt.

Apparently this man is my HERO because I am unable to let go of his shirt. To the ambulance (declared FINE, and ignored my pleas for valium), back to the car and whilst calling a friend to pick me up (NOT my dad)....I cannot let go of his shirt until my friend appears to take me home.

Yeah, dad was NOT happy but changed his mind pretty quickly when he saw the car in the wreckers yard. I don't think he keeps olives in the console anymore.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

School and the Sensory Child

And doesn't that title sound like something published in some high falutin journal? Well it's not. I'm sitting on the lappy by Aquamans pool drinking a little sumpin sumpin and generally relaxing.

Or am I celebrating?

Today was a good day at school for the Cyclone. On those days I drive down the bushy, winding school driveway with a big grin feeling all is well with the world.
On the other days I drive out holding back the tears and wondering how my boy will ever learn to cope with life on a day to day basis, with the things other kids just take in their stride....or don't even notice.

Cyclone loves his school. He loves the animals, he loves the space, he loves the freedom and most of all he loves his Buddy whom I shall call Indie. Indie has all the patience in the world and he is only 9 years old. Some days he will only listen to Indie and Indie gets called out of class to get Cyclone off the play equipment, out of the library or talks him down out of the tree he has decided to reside in.

Being "sensory" means Cyclones Sensory Integration Function is well...dysfunctional. There are short-circuits and longer pathways in his little brain. He is capable of absorbing ridiculously large amounts of information but ironically it also blows his mind. Am I making any sense?

I'll try again. Too much noise/information...overload and meltdown tantrums. Conversely not enough stimulation and he seeks it - usually by talking VERY LOUDLY, making ridiculous noises or throwing himself around so he can feel the sensations properly.

You wouldn't really notice it until something happens that he is not expecting, or he must do or experience something he hasn't done before. It's taken me years to realise Cyclone gets anxious. About the outcome, or that he cannot do the new thing perfectly or better than everyone else.
For years I wasn't sure if he was as highly strung as I am - or just a very naughty boy.

This is Cyclone on his first day of school. Standing next to the pizza oven the children have built themselves.

I enrolled Cyclone at the local primary school, literally 300 metres from my front door. It's a big reason I bought the house. However during a presentation from this very school in which they waxed lyrical on all the academic achievements of the preps (they can all write at GRADE 2 LEVEL WOOO!), I started to crap my pants.
The didn't mention anything about individuality, personal growth, creativity or responsibility. Just the fact that the bloody preps write at a higher level that the rest of the state.

My son doesn't sit still for long, isn't particularly interested in writing or drawing and - as far as I'm concerned - streets ahead in other subjects that I wondered if he had a place there. How would he fit in if he didn't toe the 'party line'? Would he be a 'problem child' because of his energy? Would anyone be bothered (or have time) to find out the (usually simple) things that make him tick?

Crapsville. Mummy freak out time.

Beautiful Bloggers

Wooo EEEEE! Looky here, Sarah from JUST ME has nominated meeeee. Now I've finally gotten around to doing something about it.
Thank you very much Sarah, I'm totally chuffed!

The Rules are:

* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
* Copy the award and place it in your blog.
* Link the person who nominated you for this award.
* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
* Nominate 7 bloggers.
* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

So first all about MEEEEEEEE

1) I'm not actually that interesting. I rant about things and some people think I am funny. It's all a big smokescreen.
2) I like to vacuum the house wearing a tiara. It makes me feel better.
3) I didn't finish my quest to become a Naturopath...but I got lots out of my studies, including qualification as a Bach Flower Therapist. I love it.
4) I can't afford to get my Fluffy Mutt groomed so I attack her very long coat with sewing scissors every few months then get so embarrassed about the state of her that I can't take her for a walk.
5) I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a huge extended family. I really do have 2 exhusbands but I might as well be considered a bigamist since they are both STILL in my life in equal amounts (except the rude bits).
6) My last child was serenely born into the water - everyone should try a waterbirth.
7) I am crap at technology. I had to be walked through setting up this blog, I still can't remember how to do hyperlinks properly and I don't know where to get the cool-ass photos everyone else seems to have

lori at tinylittlereveries I just like it, I just DO

Lori with a big L at Random Ramblings of a SAHM

BM-I don't care a new one I really like

A Winter in France for a envy inducing look at a snowy Europe through the eyes of my favourite ninja

Diminishing Lucy a good chunky read, real emotions of an incredibly shrinking woman

Punky and Me this Op Shopping nutter constantly amazes me with her commitment to Op Shopping and collecting STUFF

Every other blog I read has been nominated, as have some of these already, and I know it's only 6.... but dammit, it's taken me HOURS to get this far with the farkin linking crap (not really) and I really need a beer.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Very Bad Things - Part one (B)

In response to a few of you who remember seeing that sign - and who could forget it? - YES it was awhile ago. Hhhmmm I think it must have been about 10 years (?). It was good old Dean Allen Craig that reported on it. They interviewed me when I stopped to take a pic of the damage and I DID admit it was me but that I wasn't prepared to cop the further damage that had been done - the "church" had to lay back (face down tee hee?) and take it since they seemed to WANT that type of response.

Still, it must have been a slow news day.....thank heavens cos I was hungover as HELL (like the puns?) and refused to take off my sunnies during the interview.

The "church" is located close to my dad's house and it was there (in pristine condition) for at least a week before I drove past enough times FUMING in disbelief to make me really wanna DO something. I moved to the area about 3 years ago and I STILL watch that sign like a hawk lol.

Anyway, here is the machine I was driving at the time complete with Tasty Chef.

Tasty Chef cooked for me and taught me what wine goes with what meal, how to use a knife properly....and sometimes put on a killer scottish accent that used to drive me....

But I digress

Very Bad Things - Part one

Yep, I did it. It was ME.

I defaced a church sign.

But how can you leave something like that bright and shining in the world that you live??

It originally said "God hates Homosexuality".

After many conversations, with many different friends of all different religions everyone agreed that God shouldn't (or didn't) HATE anything.

So I bought a big FAT black texta especially for the job. Recruited a friend and her sister to come along for moral support...and in the dark of the night scrawled my response (well OUR response) and drove away into the night (in my pristine HZ Holden Station Wagon with a 308 on straight gas in case you were wondering).

News crews arrived, locals were interviewed and everyone felt the same way as I. Shocked.

It all went pear-shaped because the deal I made (in my head) was that I would come and clean it off again if the owners of the sign would rescind their words. No harm done.
Well others really wanted to drive the opinion home and the sign was subsequently spray painted and had holes put right through the lot.

Ah well.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Reflecting on my bloodline....

Brought to you by the challenge...

This is my Aunty Nancy shown in in 1913 at the age of 2 years and 8 months.

Pianist, Harpsichordist, Teacher and lecturer - passionately dedicated to music

Awarded an Order of the British Empire for music.
Awarded a medal from the German government for her dedication to music
Founder of the Bartok Society

When she died her notes and music were left to the NSW Conservatorium. One of her favourite students, Sarah, went on to tutor Princes Harry and William.

She used to phone me on a regular basis to encourage me to continue with my lessons. "You must practice, you MUST"....and I did for awhile. It came easily to me, just a little too easy and I never appreciated the gift bestowed through my genes. There was tennis, and boys and parties.

Aunty Nancy had two concert grand pianos sitting side by side in the parlour. Her house was a treasure trove of wonderful and beautiful things. Pianos, paintings, harpsichords, letters, dresses...and a slightly scary Siamese cat named Confucius.

For all those years she was a voice on the phone, a sender of wonderful books and a presence always felt as I played. I wish I had kept playing.

Pic from the National Library of Australia - I'm not asking permission cos she is my aunt...


So they start like this -

8 pounds of chunky goodness. Love a chunky baby, we used to call her Sara Lee because her arms had layer upon layer of little rolls.

Then she turned into a cheeky nordic blonde that loved olives for breakfast

A big primary school girl. That's our Indian Ringneck parrot Bubbalouie who just loves her. Teen Queen inadvertently saved his life when she demanded Scorpio bring him to our house for the weekend so she could take him to show and tell at school on the Monday. Scorpios house burnt down that day and he would have been TOAST.

The secondary school years, loves her sister. Gets a bit of attitude. School sucks and all the teachers are stupid. Note the wrist band as an indication of things to come.

Then before I know it - first school dance and the transformation to full Angsty Teen Queen

and now VCE student studying to be a Midwife. I don't care about the piercings (very much), it's her choice now she is all big and stuff....


Love them

Monday, February 15, 2010

Keeping up

I don't know how some people do it. Some of the blogs I'm following just keep producing post after post. I'm feeling inadequate!!!!!!!

I wish I had awesome organization SUPERPOWERS.....which reminds me to tell you that the post about the Telekinesis superpowers I so wish I had was actually part of a Blog This challenge HERE. if you liked it you can vote on the site. Check out the other entries, they are great.

I woke up in a cold sweat at 4am this morning because it's the first thing I've joined like this and I didn't put a link in saying what it was all about....I've probably broken some rule *sigh

So yes, went all quiet have had weddings, school, kinder, more home improvements yadda yadda.....but aren't we all busy??

I tried to have a whinge to myself, tried to justify my blogging crapness with well you've got 3 kids, 2 dogs the emo cat and the house falling down around your ears, a broken vacuum cleaner *cue violins and you are allllll byyy yourself *cue more violins.

That lasted about a minute till reality set in and I remembered there are bloggers with FOUR children, FIVE children even. Some have 3 dogs, chickens....some of them run FARMS...!

And I still can't work out how they blog so actively.

Anyway, only 2 of the kids are little enough that they need heaps of attention. The older one dresses and feeds herself just fine.

She also likes piercing..... ALOT

Could you get any more metal in that face?

*sigh. I can't wait to go through an airport metal detector with her....

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Only HALF organised ALL of the time....

So Aquaman bought me a diary for this year cos he rocks like that.

School and kinder have started - apparently you get more time to yourself when this happens.

ERR NO. It's a big FAT MYTH and don't let anyone else carry it on. It's not fair anyone.

Already new diary is chock a block with - working bees, family BBQ's, 2 x fundraising WEEKENDS, committee meetings and school council meetings.
Although I must say through my whining that the school stuff is a little bit cooler - getting the ponies ready for a community parade and pony rides, plaiting their tails etc... Tres coolness.

It's also pretty mental because the start of the year always means reduced/transitional hours for both kids because it's their first years. 2 hours one day, 2.5 the next, skip one day - at least I'm getting a work out hauling my butt in and out of the car 4 times a day.

Armed with diary I have dutifully written in all start times, all finish times, all event and meeting dates. Everything I need until March, and placed the diary on my desk. I felt pretty gosh darn smug getting it all in early.

But I have already missed a committee meeting and mucked up 2 pickup dates in these first two weeks.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

MY New Superpower!

I've been working on this one for YEARS. Ever since I was 8 years old actually, after I read a book called The Girl with the Silver Eyes.

Obviously it is about a girl with silver eyes....who has the ability to move objects by mind power alone. After finding another friend with the same unusual eye colour and talent she does some Trixie Beldon style investigating she discovers her mother took an experimental drug during her pregnancy (clearly not Thalidomide)and TELEKINESIS was the side effect.

That's all I can remember of the story, but I know I spent countless hours staring at pencils, spoons, pebbles and grains of rice in an effort to move them with my brain power. NADA..nothing.

So lets say I wake up tomorrow with my chosen superpower.

No more plonking on the couch at the end of a long day to find the remote control a full five feet away on the floor., straight into my hand.

No more stumbling over matchbox cars or stepping painfully onto lego bricks and plastic tiaras strewn across the floor in order to comfort a child having a bad dream. Oh NO, I'd shift that crap like Moses parted the Red Sea.

When I forget to put Emo Cat out and he insists on stepping all over my face in the early hours, he would find himself floating pleasantly down the hall and out the back door.

Oh and lets imagine all those hours spent staring at pencils when I was eight actually worked. Well by this time I would have PUMPED that SUPERPOWER baby. I would have done TELEKINESIS weights all these years.

No more "I'm not getting in the car" tanties from the kids.....they'd be floating off to the car kicking and screaming instead.

The groceries would be brought in from the car without sweaty grunts and swearing.

No more waking to the garbage truck at the end of the street and dashing out the front dragging 2 bins at a time in my ratty old jarmies and hair like a wild woman. They would take themselves out whilst I lay in my toasty bed congratulating myself on my awesomeness.

OOHHHHH and wouldn't it be funny to make that wanker at the pub/office/traffic lights repeatedly punch themselves in the head?????

OMG I could do it to EDDIE MACGUIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring it on baby!!!! ha ha ha ha ha

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Are you working, or taking a break from the kids?

I'm responding to a blog post of a friend Mrs Hawk - here at Just Me. In which she is NOT happy at those that question her returning to work an extra day is "a break from the kids". Sarah says NO!

I however say YES!

So everyone has a different therefore those that ask that may well be in a similar situation to mine which is why they might ask the question....maybe even with a smirk.

Cyclone was an "unsettled" baby. From the moment he was born he was distressed. He fed every 90mins- 2hrs (if I was lucky) until he was 4 months old. I still remember (5 years later, with some fondness) of him being passed back to me by Scorpio with his little mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. Numnums boobies.
I still have the notes I took of his sleeping patterns in sheer desperation, showing he was sleeping 8 out of 24 hours. O my goodness.
He screamed, he sobbed, he arched his tiny little back and I stayed in bed with him for 3 months.

When he was 5 months old I was to return to work. HELL YEAH I said. 2 days per week, I can do that...I welcomed the prospect of feeling "normal" again. I attached myself to the breastpump dreaming of wearing real clothes and makeup again.
Keep in mind I worked at a Government agency well known for having to deal with tanties and chair-throwers. A veritable walk in the park compared to the battle zone of my home.

In a little while Betty Boo came along. 2 under 2!

By this stage I had started my own business working from home. Not all it's cracked up to be. I was taking calls with my foot wedged against the door trying to talk over the tantrums and mummymummymummy MUMMMMEEEEE!
Scorpio was recovering from a knee operation back then so he was at home. I bought a laptop and bought me some time too.

The only way I could get any work done was to leave the house. And go to the PUB. Yep, there I sat, laptop on the table and a frosty pot next to it. The amount of work I got done in 2 hours was phenomenal.

I got sucked back into aforementioned Goverment job with tanty throwing customers. Still it WAS a break from home. No stereo mummy mummymummymummyMUMMMEEEEE! If someone was rude I hung up on them. If someone threw a chair I ducked, laughed and spoke firmly about respect and boundaries. THEY listened.

And best of all - no one followed me into the toilet. I went alllll by myself. In peace.

The one time I ooops! said to a colleague "mummy has to do wees" - she didn't bat an eyelid. She knew.

So in conclusion - sometimes it IS a break from the kids when you go back to work. Sometimes it's not....after all, there is always the washing to be done and beds to bed made.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Sleep....and dreams

Darling girl, beautiful being, mummy's china doll.

After years of mind-tearing refusal to go to sleep.....she has nearly got it right.
Every other parent in the universe can speak of the times they snuck into the nursery just to watch their precious angels sleeping peacefully.

Not me.

From the time Betty Boo was 6 months old to about 2.5 she would literally wake up if I walked into the room, hell if I walked past the room. Ok my floorboards are creaky but they aren't that bad. She would sit bolt upright or jump straight up if she heard me. There were months I slept on the couch rather than wake the sleeping angel at the foot of my bed. I developed a particularly interesting walk during those times. Kind of creeping, walking on the balls of your foot with shoulders hunched to your ears type walk (Hey, I should have applied for tenure at the Ministry of Funny Walks!). I've only now started walking like a catwalk queen again (har de haar).

But tonight I walk into her room (well, sashayed) watch my nearly 4 yr old actually sleeping. She stirs, she rolls over and opens her eyes, smiles sleepily and says -

"Mummy, when I grow up I want to be a watering can." and goes back to sleep.

Oh my precious darling, I think - I love you so much. Shoot for the stars hun - dream of being the watering system for the entire Royal Botanic Gardens........just...stay....asleep.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Oh I forgot to share this with you! I bought it months ago. My latest find at the Top Secret Wreckers Yard. This is the next best thing to air conditioning at my place and at $140 a bargain.

It's going to stay outside for a little longer until I can clear some space in the garage and strip it back. I also have to restore the bottom section of timber because it's rotted away a little. Tradie Jay just laughed his ass off when I proudly showed it to him. "Have fun with that" he says, drizzling on my parade just a little. Up yours I retort, it's possible to fix isn't it?
He grudgingly admits that it is and seems happier when I tell him it's MY project and I'm not going to ask him to do it.

Pfft to him - I haz a library card and I'm gonna learn me how to do it, paint it white and do a little dance after I knock out my bedroom windows (that don't open past an inch) and fit this instead.

Monday, February 1, 2010


Off we went, picnic packed on a fine sunny day over the Australia Day weekend. We stopped by the Yarra for lunch and watched the boats go by.

Then hopped on a train to Docklands to see the sand sculptures. According to the 'What's On' guide and the website, 20 tonnes of sand had been trucked in for the display.
Ok so I clearly have no understanding of exactly how much 20 tonnes looks like but from the descriptions and plenty of photos provided I thought it was safe to assume it was a shitload and the kids would love it.

How wrong I was - here it is....

Yep, that's it, just the ONE. It had a fish and some serpenty type thingo, I didn't take too much notice because I was wondering where the rest of it was. Where was the scene from The Wizard of Oz as per said website? Were they serious? Did this deserve a write up in the paper as something worth visiting with the family? Where was the rest of it???
D'OH and NO.

So we find ourselves in the wanky shopeatshopshopshopeat part of town surrounded by the worshippers of shopping for crap (I've heard it described as a mecca - I have news people we have Dairy Bell and Red Rooster in the 'burbs too you know) when we could have gone to the Indian Festival 10 minutes from home.