Sunday, February 7, 2010

MY New Superpower!

I've been working on this one for YEARS. Ever since I was 8 years old actually, after I read a book called The Girl with the Silver Eyes.

Obviously it is about a girl with silver eyes....who has the ability to move objects by mind power alone. After finding another friend with the same unusual eye colour and talent she does some Trixie Beldon style investigating she discovers her mother took an experimental drug during her pregnancy (clearly not Thalidomide)and TELEKINESIS was the side effect.

That's all I can remember of the story, but I know I spent countless hours staring at pencils, spoons, pebbles and grains of rice in an effort to move them with my brain power. NADA..nothing.

So lets say I wake up tomorrow with my chosen superpower.

No more plonking on the couch at the end of a long day to find the remote control a full five feet away on the floor., straight into my hand.

No more stumbling over matchbox cars or stepping painfully onto lego bricks and plastic tiaras strewn across the floor in order to comfort a child having a bad dream. Oh NO, I'd shift that crap like Moses parted the Red Sea.

When I forget to put Emo Cat out and he insists on stepping all over my face in the early hours, he would find himself floating pleasantly down the hall and out the back door.

Oh and lets imagine all those hours spent staring at pencils when I was eight actually worked. Well by this time I would have PUMPED that SUPERPOWER baby. I would have done TELEKINESIS weights all these years.

No more "I'm not getting in the car" tanties from the kids.....they'd be floating off to the car kicking and screaming instead.

The groceries would be brought in from the car without sweaty grunts and swearing.

No more waking to the garbage truck at the end of the street and dashing out the front dragging 2 bins at a time in my ratty old jarmies and hair like a wild woman. They would take themselves out whilst I lay in my toasty bed congratulating myself on my awesomeness.

OOHHHHH and wouldn't it be funny to make that wanker at the pub/office/traffic lights repeatedly punch themselves in the head?????

OMG I could do it to EDDIE MACGUIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring it on baby!!!! ha ha ha ha ha


Kellyansapansa said...

You've risen to the challenge beautifully. Nice entry!

Lori said...

Oh Lulu that is too funny. I want that power too! I'll arm wrestle you for it ;)

E. said...

Ooh I loved that book. Thanks for reminding me about it.

Melissa said...

My fav entry, count on my vote.