Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Apology...hummingbird attack.

I feel the need to apologise for some reason. I have so many blog posts in the pipeline but I can't get around to them.

Yeah, I've been painting, cooking, kid-wrangling just like everyone else but I have THE HUMMINGBIRD.

Formerly known as my mother. My mum is a ball of awesome energy, she is fearless and tireless and an inspirational campaigner to All Things Lovely.

Now mum took an entire month off work. She was looking forward to it but all her plans were shaken when she developed an allergy to some face cream. He whole face went puffy and red and uncomfortable. She hasn't been able to go out and get things done. So much was planned.

This is not good. She has nowhere to expend her energy - except me. She is operating a warp speed levels and just won't stop. Usually I can keep up with her fine, but since I have also totally rearranged the house I have boxes of things yet to go back in their new places.

So I'm up the ladder covered in paint and mum is putting things away where she thinks they should go, running off to the paint shop to find a colour she likes for the kitchen, pulling weeds out of my garden and asking me why this, this and that hasn't been done yet.

This week she has been calling me daily demanding to know if I have done this, this and that yet and I have to give a report. I'm scared to answer the phone. I'll get more instructions if I do and if I don't answer the phone she will come and tidy up again.

I love her to death and she brought over an entire roast dinner so I didn't have to take time away from my 'chores' to cook. I was almost happy to get a migraine so I could hide under my doona....

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Shamwow review

Ok, so it's a chamois.

We have used it to soak up and entire bottle of cordial dropped on the floor and at bath time nearly every night since the kids have learnt to splash like ninjas. Silent but floodlike...

Instead of using 1 or 2 old towels I have set aside for this purpose - and find myself using almost daily, and instead of screaming inside my head at the mess almost daily I just throw the Shamwow in the general direction of the flood and it's just about done. Over and done with so you can move onto the next drama.

Now this isn't an advertisement (cos I ain't being paid!), but everyone has been asking me.

So yeah, it's pretty good. I would be the first to tell you if your regular car chamois would work the same but I don't think it would because they are thin and not as big. Don't cut them down too small either - you want them for the big spills.

***please remember I didn't buy this myself. I cannot possibly be that dorky....

Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Tim Tam Dilemma

I'm not sure if this is a true definition of irony, please feel free to comment what you think.

Miss Divine called in a favour the other day. She needed me to pick up some furniture in my station wagon. She rewarded me handsomely with Tim Tams - every flavour in the entire range! Full packets. All TEN of them. I hadn't even known about half of them - Choc Hazelnut Mousse, Black Forest, Mint Chip, Honeycombe Chip, Cookies and Cream, Original, Dark, Double Coat, Chewy Caramel and one packet the kids hoovered up by the time I got home that afternoon.

I gleefully remembered where Scorpio hid them, made a cup of tea and scurried into bed where my new book was waiting for me. Kids asleep, quiet house, electric blanket toasting me - bliss, bliss, bliss.

My kids are deaf when you want them to make their beds but can hear a Mars Bar being opened 500m away. I was only onto my third slice of heaven when Cyclone stumbled in - I maneuvered him right back to bed before he woke properly and spied the chocolatty goodness in piles on my bed. The darn packets opening woke him.....bloody paper thin walls.

So I've decided I need to put them into a biscuit barrel so I can try a new one each night (yeah, right). I can't find a container big enough for 10 packets.

I can't even sit in bed with my cuppa and enjoy my book because I'm feeling paranoid about waking the kids, and feral for sitting here surrounded by so many packets of biscuits...

I need a giant barrel STAT.

I'm also going to need a treadmill pretty fast too. It's been 3 days of 5 tim tams a night. I can feel my tummy podging out and my thighs are wobblier. Scorpio has noticed and is taking pleasure in poking my pudgy sides - did I mention he has a death wish?

Yours in chocolate overdose regret...

Painting Myths One - It's fun...

Or the best thing about owning your home. If I ever grumble about this old house I hear the same chant from the renters of the world "but you can paint the walls any colour you like!"

Yes I can, and I have several times. Really, it isn't a great enough reason to hand over your soul to the bank. Stay happy with your rented white walls my friends, because you don't have to paint them. Or fill them, or sand them!

I used to think the same thing - and that it would be a lovely coupley thing to do with your significant other when you buy your first house together.

Cheekily flicking paint at each other, a smudge on the nose cheerfully decorating your own love nest and making your mark. Wearing an endearing pair of too big overalls, and bandanna tied just so.......that's probably just me, 'll stop now.

Realistically you will argue about the colour. Realistically you might despair over your darlings taste in anything. Realistically it takes a LOT of preparation and dust. Realistically should should pay someone else to do the whole stinking lot for you whilst you watch with a glass of Chardy in your hand.

However - if you are like me and can't afford that....I'm here for you, I feel your pain.

Least I can say I did it myself I suppose!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Nyah, Nyah - I gotta ShamWOW!

Yep, got it today. Wooooo!

Scorpios mum got one - with a BONUS set for ordering within 15 minutes on a Tuesday and a free set of steak knives...or something. Actually she ordered it months ago and it arrived today.

Cyclone is beside himself - for a long time he has been telling me he loves me SO MUCH he will buy me a Shamwow for Christmas. Awww.

So the first thing we do is get a bowl of water and imitate the ad. YEP, it works the same! Yes you can cut them into smaller pieces but I advise against that cos the smaller they are the less WOW they are. Still awesome though.

Take a look at this dude. Is he related to Ace Ventura?

Apparently NOT. His name is Vince. Born Vince Schlomi, he changed his name to Vince Offer after his comedy career bombed badly and he tuned to infomercials (better than heroin I suppose). I found heaps of info about Vince - ex Scientologist, sued them for defamation and the like, but I won't go into it too much cos I don't want to ruin my idea of Vince Shamwow.

I will however tell you this - "On February 7, 2009, Offer was arrested in Miami Beach, Florida on a charge of felony battery after an altercation with a 26-year-old prostitute. Offer, who appears in police reports under his real name Vince Shlomi, contended that he struck the prostitute when she "bit his tongue and would not let go." Prosecutors later declined to file formal charges against either individual."


You'll say WOW, every time.....

Thursday, September 24, 2009


I still have to put the pictures back up,
and finish the darn curtains.
I'm going to bed instead.....

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Recycling, but not as you know it

Aquaman came to visit tonight to give me his assessment of the new paint. Aquaman was a painter in a previous life - so has been avoiding me at all costs this week, knowing I would put him straight to work if he crossed my threshold.

He pointed out how he could better fill the pits and holes, I dared him to prove me wrong (sucker!). The problem being I couldn't find my spatula, so I gave him this.

Take a really close look. Can you take a guess?

It's an old tube of Hi Shine Lip Gloss from The Body Shop. Tee Hee.

Some of you might know that I spent a good couple of years with The Body Shop at Home, who are well known for their general commitment to all thing good for the World and their Core Values - one of which is recycling. I remain committed.

Aquaman only slightly raised his eyebrows, but probably because he was expecting me to pass him my trusty butter knife - which has momentarily retired in favour of a humble tube of lip gloss - and a great colour too.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

There, it's gone...

It looks patchy because it's wet right now, but the worst is over. The final colour is arriving in the afternoon and I hope I can get it on before the children get back home. I can't face living with stark white walls a moment longer.
I'm a little bit over it, the furniture is jammed up one end of the house and I still have the usual BORING housework to catch up on so I am spending tomorrow morning on some errands and sending out my first lot of Bach Remedies so I need to clear a space to get zen and blend.

Right now I'm going to have a hot shower, park my butt in front of some trashy television and eat Brie till I feel sick.

Stay tuned for the final results.

Paint roller be damned!

I hate, hate, hate rollers. You have to load so much paint on, it flicks EVERYWHERE and it can be really back breaking work even with the telescopic poles. If you have furniture in the room, the poles are unwieldy and clumsy.
I was thrilled to pieces to find this at the local paint shop. I think its just called a 'paint pad'. Dip in the the paint tray and walk from one end of the room to the other and it smears on. Awesomeness. Far easier. No paint splattering everywhere. Easier on the muscles. Love it.

You can also get these in edging tools to, but I'm paint cutting in Queen of the World too, so I don't make use of them all the time, however I will for the final coat of colour because it hides the tell tale brush marks and blends it better.

It you want to avoid the endless washing, rinsing and paint down the sink just put the tray into a medium sized garbage bag. Whip it off and throw in the bin when you have finished!

Erasing the big blue mistake

My lounge is big and bright with floor to ceiling windows looking out over the front garden. I made the fatal mistake of assuming such a bright room could 'hold' darker colours - it didn't suit and it didn't work.
This was how I lost my colour mojo. I've never made a mistake like this before and what a BIG one it was. Painting a room you live in, with children in the house is nothing but shenanigans.
First all children must be removed from the immediate and local area. Preferably to the grandparents. Then all furniture must be moved around and covered. THEN you can begin prepping the walls.

I am the Queen of Shortcuts and innovation when it comes to house tarting and fixing, but I find that doing 'longcuts' and preparing properly is actually the shortcut.

The walls must be clean and free of dust. You can lightly sand it down like did, or just give the walls a good wash with sugar soap. Wear gloves because it's strong stuff.
Mask all the edges to keep the paint in. Along skirting board and around power points etc. Do not use cheap masking tape. I did last time wrongly assuming it was all the same stuff and I spent a long time trying to pick random bits off the boards.
There are stacks of different kinds of tape for this now, you don't have to go overboard, just not too cheap.

Here I have 'cut in' the undercoat. You do all the fiddly bits with the brush where rollers etc won't get in properly. I've only had to undercoat because both (horrible) colours have such a dark base. Usually you can just paint over the existing colour. Fill in any holes at this point with filler. I don't use fandango applicators for filler - that's what fingers are for.

You can see my random patches of other colour here. I was quite taken with the new metallic colours available but they are just too dark for what I want.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Cyclones nightime crusade

The man is capable of inciting riots and mayhem in the blink of an eye.

First off, he lost his ipod whilst taking the children for a ride around the block. He thought he lost it at the park 4 doors up so he decides to go look for it immediately. At bedtime.

Now here we must stick to a strict bedtime schedule or else the lunatics start running the asylum. I do understand the need to find his ipod but jeez - at what cost?

Although he snuck out the back door to go look, Cyclone noticed him missing within 5 minutes and demanded to know where daddy was. I was putting Betty Boo in her pjamas at the time, this always includes consideration and accessorising so it can be a slow (and soul destroying) process. We were nearly at a conclusion (Dora top, pink checked flannel bottoms and a purple scarf), when I told Cyclone daddy was at the park looking for the ipod and he would be back shortly.

Then the phone rang, Fluffy Mutt needed to bark at the telly and I tripped over the vacuum cleaner trying to get to the phone. I finished the call within 2 minutes, took a breath and noticed how quiet it was.


I ran and checked every room, and was heading out the back door and ran headlong into our lovely neighbour returning my missing boy. It was 7pm at night.

He had taken his little torch and headed to the park. Apparently daddy wasn't there so he headed home but got frightened in the dark and was calling out to Scorpio and sobbing.

Thank goodness she was watering her garden with her gorgeous long haired dachshund and heard the little fellas cries. Of course I was in top fashion form - still grotty from gardening and wearing my famous gumboots.

I can't believe even HE did that.

So we had a chat about never leaving the house without mummy or daddy, we talked about how frightened he was and how kind the neighbour was to bring him home safely "do you understand now Cyclone my darling?"

"Yes mummy, I have something important to tell you"

"What sweet boy-child?"

"There was a huge HUGE meteor than hit the Earth and killed all the dinosaurs, it killed them all dead and there were no people around when there were dinosaurs".

Goodnight Cyclone, we love you....

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Meet my secret weapon

I discovered I have rats in the compost. The rotten buggers. I'll have to dismantle it all down and find something they cannot eat through - like they did with the timber. Yuuuuuuk.

Since Emo cat is quite content letting magpies walk over the top of him to eat out of his food bowl I am happy to introduce you to my owl. He is a Powerful Owl, and I think that's a boring name, not like Tawny Frogmouth....or Silent Killer Owl, which is what I would call him.

He's actually a baby. His mother who is enormous starting coming to our yard and perch on the antenna. Later she brought him along and they had silent assassin training sessions in my backyard at night. It was awe inspiring to watch. The baby must be used to us now because he perches down on the deck railing and doesn't mind if we take a picture now and then.

Hmmmm, I'm not sure what to call him.....

Vegie Patch

Here is the 4 foot celery. After the heat it was looking sad, but instead of pulling it all out I left it to go wild. It has gone to seed now - you can tell by the tops so it wouldn't taste any good no matter how giant it is.

I left everything where it was because I got busy with 8 million other things and if I pulled it all up the whole patch would become a giant cat litter tray.

Today I pulled it all up with the help of a spade mind you, it was thick as tree trucks at the base but still smelled lovely and fresh. I pulled out heaps of snails and threw them at the fence (sorry Buddhists) when Betty Boo wasn't looking. She rescued a little one from the spade, placed it on the timber edge, declared it her baby then promptly fell over and stepped on it. Oh she cried like her little heart would break, so I found another one for her and all was well.

I turned over the earth (oh the worms - woo hoo!) turned in some compost material, leaf matter and emptied the vaccuum cleaner bags over the lot and turned that in too. Vac bags should be emptied into the compost. It's messy but if you are crafty you cut the bottom off, empty then stick it back together with sticky tape or staples and you can save on the bags.

So this is how the patch look now. Pretty unsexy but I've laid the celery down over the top to keep the cats at bay.
It will break down nicely over the next few weeks whilst I plan everything out.

My whipper snipper is out of commission, so no comments on the edging please.
I made this out of timber from hard waste collections.

Attacking the 4 foot celery

Soooo, it's time to sort out the vegetable patch. We got some lovely retarded carrots, plenty of lettuce, celery and a few capsicums. The zucchinis went beserk too. The season was cut short by the scorching weather and most of the plants were burnt too badly to carry on.

I will be doing lettuce again this year - oh it's wonderful having the freshest salad possible. I get a few different varieties for colour and it will last forever as you just pick off the leaves as you need them. I had to pick them whole to avoid the heat, but they lasted for ages sitting in a bowl in the fridge with the roots in a little water.
Miss Paranoid makes her lettuce last forever by washing and spinning it completely dry and putting it in freezer bags in the fridge.

I'll also do tomatoes - as many different types as I can fit, more capsicums, chillis - not so many zucchinis. Hmmm, I'm yet to decide. If I do buy seedlings they will all be Heritage variety - pre WW2 so haven't been fiddled with or modified too much. Did you know the first modified tomato tasted like petrol! They spent so much time fiddling about making the toms more easily transportable that the flavour suffered immensely. You also cannot save the seed to plant again next year because fiddled with species are sterile, forcing us to return to buy again each year. Way to corner the market Monsanto, you greedy bastards. Control my access to food? I don't think so. I'll be ranting further about Monsanto and their dastardly ways.

Having a backyard garden not only contributes to the environment (no transportation across the country) but having your own produce is just fabulous, tastes amazing and a wonderful way to get fussy eaters to try new things. It's how I got Cyclone to try carrots!

Preparing for another fire season

It's time to get on the roof and clear the gutters, clean up all the leaf matter and remove all potential fuel.
Yes I live in the suburbs but this years horrific fires got close enough and affected enough people near and dear to me that I won't take a single chance.

This shot was taken on the high side of the road near my house during the long weeks of 40+ temperatures and ferocious winds. I don't think I'll get over it for a long while really. I had the creeps all week before Black Saturday. I remember the fires in 1983, there was ash falling in our backyard pool, 3 people died and many many friends were evacuated from their homes.
So it hit with force on February 7th, I was at home and the children were visiting their grandparents in an area totally obliterated by fire in the 1930's. Up on a mountain with only one twisty mountain road to escape.

It took the entire day - I thought it best to follow recommendations and stay off the road, so I stayed at home glued to the emergency radio broadcast, CFA website and television. I had enough by late afternoon and decided to go and get the children (grandparents were happy to stay at the time), when a new blaze started close to me. I couldn't believe I was in more danger in the suburbs than they were in the bush - well at that point at least.

What a long two weeks that was - but most of my friends in dangerous areas had good plans and left in time to be out of danger - which is NOT when you see smoke by the way. The plan this year is to pack up the important stuff, provide my place for a refuge to my friends on the mountain if need be - move further away to another friends place should it get hairy here.

So up onto the roof again for me, clear those gutters, rake those leaves and consolidate the plans. I'm at the foot of the mountains and it's a beautiful place to be - I'm not going overboard, suburban Canberra should be a reminder to those on the outskirts of the fire prone areas.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Garden

I have a front yard which is enclosed with a dwarf Japanese Maple, a young Magnolia, various random bulbs poking out here and there, a half hedge running along half the fence and other bits and bobs I can't be bothered describing. In the corner is my falling down gazebo and it's all under a towering Oak that gives excellent shade and heat protection in the summer.

I haven't done much because we are in a drought (you wouldn't know it today though), and I wanted to see what could survive with little to no water. Most of it has though. During summer I do lug buckets of water from the bath and kitchen sink because its better that wasting the precious stuff down the drain.

The soil isn't bad, just rock hard in most areas. I have a compost box and plenty of leaf matter that I spread out for mulch. I'll be adding this to the vegie garden soon, so tune in for the full vegetable patch regeneration story - I do it for little or no $$$ at all, which is the way it should be.

Anyhoo, for a great drought tolerant, hardy and pretty bush - try Convovulus. This is mine here. It's the plant I couldn't remember in my other garden post. It's in full sun, I might throw a bucket of water over it on a summer morning but apart from that I do nothing and this is what it gives me in return.

There are bunches of french lavender in between, for the first few months the lavender outshone the Convovulus, but it's caught up and is taking over. Sometimes known as Bindweed, Australian Bindweed or Silverbush, you usually see it in lilac but also comes in pink. The foliage is silvery and pretty enough for you to excuse it when there are no flowers.

This can be propagated from cuttings too, so if you see your neighbour with some, ask nicely for a cutting and you can have some for your garden for nothing.

I think you can have a spectacular garden without needing to buy the plants yourself, a little exchange between friends and neighbours is all you need We should probably have a chat about propagation and seeds someday shouldn't we?

Emo Cat gets narky

Teen Queen has decided she finds it hard living in a room with her own ensuite, telly, ipod, laptop and phone. She has gone more angsty and feral than usual so I got out the garlic and crucifixes and she has decided to visit a friend for the week.

I've been secretly relishing the holiday from the psychological warfare - but now the bloody cat has started. He doesn't like it that she has gone so he takes it out on me.

Now Emo cat is the strong, silent type. He doesn't meow, he just stares and stares and STARES until he bores a hole in the back of your head. I'm sure he thinks vocalizing is beneath him because I can count on one hand the amount of times I have heard a meow out of him. In fact he did it once when I was ignoring his hunger and it unnerved me so much I dropped my fork.

So for the last few nights he has let me know how much he misses Teen Queen. This involves jumping onto the headboard of my bed and walking along it, "accidently" knocking things off. Then jumps up onto my dresser - not cleanly, he bangs around on the floor and when I look at him he is pretending that he can't jump that high. When he gets up there he stalks up and down and actually pretends to fall over. He jumps down, then back up onto the foot on my bed. Now this makes a hell of alot of noise because he doesn't do it Ninja cat style, he uses all his body weight to make the biggest THUMP possible. He repeats this falling over routine in the wardrobe and under the bed.

Then he walks out. He doesn't want anything, he isn't hungry, he doesn't want a scratch - he is purring like a lawnmower the entire time because he simply enjoys giving me the shits.

The whole time I am posting this I am trying to get a good shot of him to post up. But NO, he is not in the mood for paparazzi today. Usually he likes getting his picture taken and will pose accordingly - this is the best I could come up with...

Monday, September 14, 2009

Fathers Day bust..

Scorpio was still recovering from his migraine so the best present he could get was to be left alone to sleep it away.
So I dragged the children down to the shopping centre to stock up on art supplies for a day of craft. If the weather wasn't so bleak I would have given them some poster paint and unleashed them on the cubby house. That keeps them going for hours and only lasts a few months so you can re do it and get time to yourself a few times a year.

We stocked up on coloured poster paper, cardboard shapes, glitter glue and these funky foam stickers. Butterflies and frogs for Betty Boo and pirate ships and treasure chests for the Cyclone. I like the idea of the stickers because there are lots of themes to choose from and it totally eliminates the need for scissors and glue. Betty just likes to squeeze big gobs of glue everywhere and you just can't trust the Cyclone not to cut someones hair, clothes or curtains. Was rapt to pick up a 3D dinosaur puzzle on special for $5 - score!

I also love the glitter glue. I love sparkly things as much as the next blonde and it's harnessed in tiny tubes - free range glitter should be illegal. It gets everywhere, permeates everything faster than Ebola and is just as dangerous. That stuff can and does get lodged in peoples eyes and clearly from my previous entry, I'm just not up for another visit to casualty.

So off we go into Sunday crafty heaven, and after awhile I check on the masterpieces. My left eye starts twitching - oh why does it bother me so much that the pirate ships are in the sky and the frogs are sitting on the butterflies covered in fat blobs of glitter glue?? I imagined sweet landscapes of frogs by ponds and butterflies landing in blossom covered trees. I repress the urge to say 'no sweetie, the frogs should go here by the pond, the pirate ships should be in the sea not the sky'..Am I really this OCD?

45 minutes later I realise I am sitting alone hunched over teeny tiny pieces of dinosaur and going blind trying to fit them all together whilst the children are sitting in front of Spongebob like any other day.

Could have given them some magazines, told them not to rip them and saved myself $40...


Another hospital visit...

What a sleepless week.
Betty Boo has had temperatures all week, which means she has been sleeping in my bed, which means I get kicked all night.
She seemed on the mend so I kicked her back into her own room but she woke that night with a really weird rash. Sort of mozzie bites on her feet and face but her back looked almost stained with pink. 3 phone calls and 15 texts to my friend Miss Neurotic and we decide it's off to casualty because you just can't mess with the possibility of meningicoccal....
She was seen almost straight away, everything deemed safe and she just charmed the coats off everybody there. No wonder she feels right at home though - she has been there enough times.

You would think it would be Cyclone in Emergency every 15 minutes wouldn't you?

So apart from being born at the birth centre attached to the hospital Betty Boo has also had her head glued together after a fall on my hard floors (gumboots on the wrong feet will make kids more unco than usual), we have also had to race her up there for xrays and these are the results.

Yes, it's a butterfly. She swallowed a charm from her bracelet. It was just a dress up type thing, nothing to solid or metal. Once it was established it wasn't lodged in her throat, the doctors said to let nature take it's course - then ran into the tea room to show the rest of the hospital. She was slightly famous for that one.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Do not mess with The Cyclone. Seriously.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Something happened the other day. I just snapped. I've been waiting for a spring day to spring me into spring cleaning but the clouds came over and haven't left for days and days.
I couldn't wait for the perfect day and I couldn't keep busting veins over the unfriendliness of the kitchen.

So I cleaned out the linen closet in the hall and removed all sheets and bedsets into the bedrooms to which they belong.
Then I moved the pantry items from the teeny cupboard over the stove into the linen closet.
Then I moved the glasses/bowls/mugs from the stupid bottom cupboard to the stupid teeny cupboard over the stove. This hopefully means I won't find any more items in the backyard covered in mud.
Then I moved most of my baking stuff to the stupid bottom cupboard because its under the bench and far more accessible. This should also reduce the amount of teeth grinding and swearing when I start baking to distract the children from drawing on the walls.

This is a boring entry - I can't wait to start on the actual redecorating/painting and post up fabulous before and after pics but you always have to wade through the boring stuff to get to the good bits....

Pearlers from Cyclone

My wild, funny boy child. My Cyclone.

I never imagined myself with a son. I always believed I would have three little girls. Then again I used to dream I was having girl, boy, girl triplets so it wasn't far off.

Cylcone was born Zen but when I brought him home he didn't stop screaming. For 4 months I barely left the house. We rocked, patted, paced and cried with worry. It might have been colic or reflux, it might have been the stress of losing my brother whilst Cyclone was in utero - who knows but my precious boy arched his back and flung his little arms around so much we started to call him Flay-ling.

He eventually stopped crying,walked right on time, started talking and never stopped. He finally slept without a fight when he was three and at five years old wears his mumma out with his sheer energy and meltdown tantrums.

He attends Kindergarten now and loves it - but it isn't everyday. Last time I had to remind him that Kinder wasn't on that morning he yells "I'm going to lock you outside NAKED". Yes enough for the neighbours to hear.

When it was time for the television to go off, he argued it should be left on but it was futile. He considered his options, sat down quietly and said "Mum, I'm not your kid anymore". Deadly serious and you can't laugh, smirk or stifle a giggle or it just escalates from there.

Today he announced he was leaving home, never to return. "I'm going to the shopping centre, I'm catching a bus to the sea then I'm driving a boat to my island where there are coconuts with chocolate milk. You'll never see me again.........ponders........until I come and get you and daddy and Betty and I'll take you all back to my island in my boat and grow candy trees.


Although he can be very funny and tell wonderful stories I worry about how he will go at school next year. He is so rigid, must be the boss and will send a thousand curses on those who dissent. I have had some terrific success with treating him with Bach Flowers though. He laughs more, he shares, the tantrums are less and he manages to pull himself in before he hits Def Con 9 in the tanty department.

It's hard sometimes to know if it's a phase, if he is 'growing out of it' or not, so I stopped the treatment and it's been scream town again. A long week.

I'll mix up another batch, add one more remedy and lets see how he goes. I might even post my notes because its really interesting to watch it happen.


The Chalkboard Brain

One of the best things I have done to this house is made a great big chalkboard. A tin of chalkboard paint and a wall close to the kitchen and my brain is outside my body.

I just cannot retain information like I used to. My thoughts are constantly interrupted by little people (no, not leprechauns) and my previous habit of writing phone numbers and notes on the back of envelopes just wasn't working. Half the time I wake up and can't remember my own name or what day it is until Play School comes on.
Other times I have so many thoughts flying around that they risk being lost forever so I have my Muggle version of Dumbledores pensieve and it works a treat.

The children LOVE being able to write all over the wall with mummys blessing (although Cyclone always likes it better if there is no blessing - hence the crayon in the hallway), so I have made it big enough for EVERYONE to have a turn and high enough that my reminders cannot be erased by anyone but myself.

Highly recommended.

Boobie Queen

That's my Betty Boo, my baby girl.

Born calmly and peacefully into the water to the song Seeing Angels by the John Butler Trio, my last baby took to the breast like a champion - and never wanted to let go.

I was working part time when she was about 18 months. She would walk around the house wearing my bra sobbing for her boobies to come back. When I got home she would scream "BOOBIES!"
She very reluctantly weaned when she was three. I was tired and needed my body back.

Till this day she says Good Morning to the boobies, if I'm in the shower she rips open the sliding door to say hello to the boobies. She sings to the boobies if she is sitting on my knee before bed and last week after being sent to her room pouted "I don't love you mummy, I only love your boobies".

She has a great new song now and is perfecting a dance routine to match. There is only a chorus so far - "boobieboobieboobieboobie DRAMA QUEEN"

Love that kid.

This Old House

Whilst it looks fairly normal from the outside, on the inside it's a mixture of scary and sometimes plain silly.

I have three doors in the loo, 2 doors to my bedroom, 8 power points in the lounge room but only 1 in the kitchen. Outdoor pavers in the laundry and bathroom - brown.
There were some lovely coat hooks in the wall by the front door - brass fleur de lis. Pity someone hung them upside down so they didn't hold very much at all.
The air conditioner is probably older than me. It was installed in the wall, when it is supposed to be fitted into a low window and all the lovely chilled air floats straight to the ceiling.

I suspect the skirting boards are not that at all, I think the previous owner (tightwad) just nailed random pieces of timber along the floor in the extension. Speaking of the floor, I'm pretty sure the carpet in there comes from an old Government building because it's that old pea green I remember from the days of visiting my father at work when he was with the Defence Force.

The bathroom. Oh my wordy-lordy-yes The Bathroom. I truly believe it is the ugliest, saddest one in the universe. Imagine the brick like brown pavers, combined with beige and brown swirls in the tiles, glossy beige paint and a BLUE bath.
The real estate agent described it as 'retro' and frankly that's an insult to retro but I give her a B for effort.

In any case, I bought the place because 1) it was in my price range 2) it has a converted garage I wanted for my office 3) it has a massive double garage to store big old pieces of furniture and 4) I quite like weird old places. I knew what I was buying, but for months I found funny little 'optional extras' - like more power points embedded in the steps....

Anyway, I DO love it, cos it's mine.

So far I have fixed the roof leaks that happened as soon as I cleared the leaves off. Obviously they were plugging some holes in the tin roof. I got tired of waiting for Scorpio and his motley crew who promised they would fix it. They were appropriately shamed when my sister (4 months pregnant) and I climbed up and fired up the angle grinder ourselves. It's a great way to meet new neighbours by the way.

I've ripped up the carpet in the main rooms, painted the faux timber panelling Antique White so it looks like actual timber and repainted the living room - but for the first time in my life I got the colours wrong so now it's all patchwork with other test colours...I've lost my mojo on the paintwork so I'll come back to that later, but at least it looks like a work in progress.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Scorpio channels a policeman

So there's lots in the media about the dangers of texting whilst driving right now. Fair enough too.

There was quite a graphic report on 60 minutes tonight - I don't usually watch it because of the craptacular interview skills of the tick tick tick team but I couldn't find the remote.


-Distraught mother of teen killed in car "I really feel if there were no phones my daughter would be alive right now" *sobs
-Idiot reporter "so what you're saying is that if there were no phones your daughter would be alive right now?"

Nuff said.

I haven't had experience with this myself, I can't even comprehend it. I have enough trouble concentrating on the road whilst Cyclone and Betty Boo do their usual slapfight & howl, or on a good day a hearty rendition of Heads Shoulders Wees and Poos.

Add texting to that and I wouldn't make it past the letterbox.

Aquaman had a phone related car accident recently, resulting in $15,000 damage to his machine and $4500 damage to the the car he ran up the backside of. His defence was that his new phone doesn't tell him (over the handsfree speaker setup) who is calling. He looked down for a second and WHAMMO. No one was hurt thank goodness. It only took a second.

However Aquaman is in logistics, is on the road all the time and well....needs his phone on the road. He takes calls all day long whilst driving from place to place. How on earth did people run fleets of trucks before mobile phones were invented?

I dwelt on that often, mildly crapping my pants since Aquaman borrowed my station wagon for the 6 weeks it took to repair his wheels.

Anyhoo Scorpio got back the other night telling me how he was nearly run off the road by some twit merrily chatting away on her mobile, nearly swerving into him several times.
He pulled up next to her at the lights and glares at her. She ignores him and continues her animated conversation.
Scorp gets annoyed, beeps the horn until she looks over again. He reaches into his top pocket, pulls out his wallet and waves it at her. That worked immediately. She literally throws the phone onto the passenger side floor, frantically mouths apologies and when the lights turn green takes off at a snails pace thanking her lucky stars that the nice policeman let her off.

Yeah - the heavily tattooed 'undercover policeman' driving a Kia Carnival.


So have a go, next time you see some fool on their mobile phone whilst driving, look stern and wave your wallet around a bit. I don't think it would work with a girly purse though.

Yours in bewilderment of the everlasting stupidity of some people.....

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Scorpio got arrested this morning.....

Oh yeah.

It's Fathers Day tomorrow so Scorpio is staying over so the kids can jump on his head at 7am screaming Happy Fathers Day and forcing him to eat soggy toast (hey if I have to cop it for Mothers Day he can suffer too - we share the load).
It worked out well because I wanted to go out for lunch for my dads birthday, nephews birthday and fathers day conveniently rolled into one and I didn't want to drag the entire tribe out to be bored at a swanky cafe.

Unfortunately Scorp could feel a migraine coming on so dashed down to the shops before I left for some decent pain killers. He didn't come back. His phone went to voicemail, I needed to leave. I sent text messages calling him seven types of bastard, left Teen Queen in charge and headed off to pick up dad.

No, I didn't start calling hospitals or get worried cos this is what Scorpio DOES. Loses track of time, sees a friend and chats for an hour, drops in to see a mate etc etc etc. His 5 minutes is 2 hours earth time and it drives everyone nuts.

I called from the cafe and he still wasn't home after another hour. Hmmmm.
He calls another hour after that and luckily I didn't read the riot act immediately because he tells me he was at the police station all this time.

Arrested for assault.

He got to the pharmacy but the migraine hit out of nowhere as he parked the car. He felt his head splitting open and managed to get the car door open in time to hurl. His phone fell out of the car and shattered and a lovely old lady picked up the pieces for him and checked he was ok before going on her way.

He was sitting in the car with the door open and his head back and a bunch of ratbags walk past and start calling him names - drunk, druggo... The poor bugger hurls again so they come back and really pump it up. They start throwing things at him. Scorpio gets pretty angry, lets rip back at them and stands up like he is about to kick their butts - so they hastily retreat with one of them tripping and falling over before taking off.

Scorp sags back down next to the car and proceeds to be sick again. Five minutes later a police car appears, tells him there has been a report of an assault and to get in the car to go back to the station. Scorpio tells them to get lost, he's not going anywhere so they arrest him for assault. He tells me later that he completely objected to the way one of the policeman spoke to him - like he was a drunk druggo. So in the car he goes.

It turns out this bunch of little *insert expletive here* went straight to the police station and told them they were assaulted (yep the group were assaulted by one sick 'drunk' ), they had evidence you see. The one that fell over landed on broken glass and cut his hand open badly.

Back at the station he was put in a room with a bucket. He is still very sick and I can't understand why they thought he was capable of hurting anyone. The police went through his wallet and found a card from a Detective Snr Constable Plod and says "oh you've already had a run in with Plod here, looks like you're a bit of trouble". Scorpio says, no Plod is a family friend - why don't you call him. So they did.

Plod is a great guy, he came straight down and into the room where the "victims" were giving their statement. Slams down a huge file folder on the table and proceeds to tell them that they have just crossed one of the most scary ass criminals in the area and they better start telling the truth before they make it worse for themselves.
The smart little buggers say "isn't it your job to protect us"? Plod says - I'm not going to babysit you and sit at the foot of your bed every night, especially if you bring it on yourself".

So they tell the truth, retract their bullshit statement, admit they acted like a bunch of arses and apologise.


Poor old Scorpio - he attracts trouble like a magnet, but at least it makes for good blog entries *snigger

P.S In the interest of public health and safety (and Scorpios rep), I would like to make it clear he wasn't blowing chunks all over the place. It's a reaction to the migraine to dry retch...ick.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Well that worked. Pending no more!

WOW, that was quick. I received notification that my business name is accepted today - Hooray!

I celebrated with a cup of tea underneath my falling down gazebo, and all of a sudden noticed my stunning Japanese Maple is green again. The Magnolia is blooming, the french lavender is as purple as its ever going to get and surrounded by the white blooms of the cascading shrub whose name escapes me right now.

Isn't it funny how much you miss when you are cranky about things not going your way? How you develop tunnel vision and only see what's wrong? Don't think I'm going to give you something profound along the lines of 'smelling the roses' - I've just pruned the bejaysus outta mine so they look like crap - for a few weeks anyway...

My Bach Flowers will be ready to go in a week or so. I'll have to liberally apply vodka to my darling techie friend to ease the pain of my web cluelessness - you have no idea how many phone calls it took to get THIS thing going, so the website is going to be a barrel of fun for the poor darling.

Hmmm, I wonder if I apply too much vodka will the website take an off-centre slant?

Told you I was clueless.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Pending Pending Pending

EVERYTHING is pending right now and I'm beginning to resent that word more than parking fines.
I have everything ready - although the postman has gone AWOL with some equipment, I have my entire Bach Flower remedy stock, dosage bottles, pipettes and a zen place to practice all ready to go. Except for this PENDING issue.

Applied for my business name, but that's PENDING so therefore my domain name is PENDING and I can't open for business without a website. It's driving me batty - especially because everywhere I look I see friends I can help, I'm prescribing in my dreams for Pete's sake!

I also need to get some $$$ coming in. Apart from the kitchen issue, the bathroom from hell and six mouths to feed - lack of $$$ is booooring. Constantly clocking numbers in my head, panicking when Betty Boo breaks 2 pairs of glasses in 2 weeks and feeling slightly guilty for buying a bottle of bubbles to celebrate Thursday is booorrrriing.

I nicked out to the shops tonight, it's been raining and since there were no minors in the car I felt an overwhelming urge to jump on the accelerator and hang the station wagon sideways through the intersection just like the good old days. But nooooo, I might get pulled over and get a ticket (for freaking awesome driving) and I can't afford it. Booorrring.

So - my one follower (oh I LOVE you and I'm all excited!), between you and me if we meditate hard and send Piss off Pending vibes to the universe at 10pm est I'd really appreciate it.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Emo Pets

Ok, pretty sure my cat has iss-ewes. Could he be a feline EMO?

Clues -

After Cat takes 15 minutes to decide if he should walk through the door I am holding open for him, he sits there looking hurt after I yell at him to get his act together.

When Teen Queen lets him in to sleep on her bed, he wakes to stare daggers at her. Can't pat him cos he gets angry. Then goes back to sleep, then does it again on and off all day. Then he spends all night jumping on her because he desperately needs attention - even though he rejected it all day.

Cat would rather spend all night sitting forlornly on Teen Queens doorstep IN THE RAIN than come inside the main house.

Diagnosis - EMO cat.

We have a fish. He is different alright. He is black and doesn't frolic in the bubbles like his other colourful brothers. No, he floats at the bottom staring at the corner all day.

Diagnosis - EMO fish

Fluffy mutt, spends most days trying to take on Rottweilers behind the safety of the fence. If she is out on a walk, likes to take on Alsatians just out of reach of their leads (and flabbergasted owners).
Periodically escapes the lie in the middle of the road.

Diagnosis - NOT emo, clearly not a deep enough thinker.....

Beautiful beautiful day...

The weather today has been spectacular. After a few weeks of chilly temps, heaps of rain (yay!) and gale force winds, I was greeted this morning by sun and a warm breeze. Excellent, especially since I had to bath the fluffy mutt.

Dog bathed, Scorpio dropped by and decided to take Betty Boo to his place for the night which means I only had the Cyclone at home with me. Awesome - it's great to spend some one on one time with the kids, you can actually have a conversation with one without the another interrupting with desperately important news (I need to do poooos, where are my socks, I have a detention etc) or faking a mortal injury.

The weather was so fabulous I took the Cyclone for a walk. Hey that's big news - I hate 'going for a walk' - actually I hate the thought of it, but once I'm out I enjoy peeking into the neighbours gardens and barking back at the big dogs that like to scare the bejaysus outta me by trying to break through their fences to eat me.

The air smelled so GOOD today, Spring all over - Jasmine, Daphne, all the jonquils showing off their trumpets. I didn't even mind pushing the Cyclones bicycle up the killer hill whilst holding the dog lead.

Our mission was to get tonights dessert from the local mini-supermarket. Whilst we were cruising the aisles Duran Duran was piped through the speakers - well you just can't help but dance when you hear Girls on Film, and the best thing about the Cyclone is he is up for anything, so we had a fantastic boogie in the biscuit section, but then Cher came on and wrecked our disco.
Nevermind. I'm pleased to see my boys lip curl to the sounds of Do You Believe.....bleuurgh.

Dessert found (lamington roll), we head to the liquor section. Now - I do like a drink, it's in my blood BUT the children don't often see mummy partake because they are tucked up in bed on a Friday night. So it's pretty embarrassing when the Cyclone says - "oh mummy don't drink, you will get DRUNK" at the top of his big voice. Awesome.

I don't know where he gets it from (really, I don't!) - the first time he did that to me was when I popped in to the bottle o to grab something for my step dad who was coming for lunch. Cyclone would have been about 2 and a half, never been to a bottle shop before but was familiar with beer I suppose because he screamed at the top of his lungs "Oh mummy, not MORE BEER?"

More awesome. No matter that I wasn't even drinking back then as I was still breastfeeding his little sister. I made some fumbling explanation whilst pointing to my boobs, but I'm sure that just make me look worse.