Monday, June 28, 2010

Worlds Tidiest Man?

So this housesharing this is going pretty well. It's like I have a wife. I've always wanted a wife.

The bachelor is so tidy it's frightening. I've always known how tidy he is, because his house never has a thing out of place - I've just never seen it in action. The man never stops. He strides from one end of the house to the other in big long steps with his arms constantly moving. Picking things up and putting them away.

Or straightening things that do not look out of place - to me anyway.

It is pretty good but it does have it's drawbacks. He isn't the type that picks up your glass before you have finished with it (oh how I hate that), and you never feel uncomfortable about being messy because you are sitting on the couch BUT

I like to sit outside with a cup of tea on a Saturday morning with a few recipe books and choose what I am going to make for the weekend. I wash the dishes and prep the kitchen and I can't find the book. I spend all day looking for it. The bachelor had put in in some feckin drawer somewhere. I flick his ear. I left it for 5 minutes!

I'm baking in the kitchen, reach for the butter and it's gone. WTF? The Bachelor has whooshed through and put it away. He does it again later with the milk and I flick his ear again. Then tell him to get the fuck outta my kitchen. Seriously- he ghosts around at the doorway wringing his hands and shifting from foot to foot. SHEESH! I'm actually a gun clean-as-i-go-er when I'm cooking but I'm not doing it fast enough for Mr OCD.

I ended up going outside and messing up the outdoor furniture and throwing a few newspapers out on the grass to distract him for awhile.

This has been going on all week. If I leave something alone or not nailed down whilst I answer the phone, chase the children, feed the cat, put on washing - IT DISAPPEARS.

I found myself clutching my diary whilst sitting on the toilet the other day.

We are finding a happy place though. He is a surface cleaner and I am a dust freak. I like folding and he likes putting away. I like cooking and he likes dishes. He hates food shopping but likes the light on when he comes home late.


Sunday, June 20, 2010


So I can squeeze 8 pound babies out of my vagina, survive on little to no sleep for 3 years and find matching socks every morning. Parenting with Scorpio has been alot harder than all three.

But we do it. We fought through it and continue to fight to this day.

To be honest my main issue was the McDonalds drop offs on a Sunday. I know 8 million people that do it - swap the kids over, neutral territory, public place yadda yadda yadda. I can think of nothing more uncomfortable and I'M NEVER GONNA DO THAT.

We do it because once we were like this.

Eagerly anticipating the birth of our son. Couldn't quite believe how lucky we were and that 10 years after we first met this was actually happening.

And yeah, the wheels fell off in the end and a little girl had also arrived by the time we crashed - there were ups and downs but you can't say it wasn't FUN.

As time went on we could see we were awesome parents, just not in the same room. After the early blurry years of a screaming unsettled baby, it became apparent we actually weren't suited at all. Even though the last year was hard, I'm glad we pushed through.

Cyclone was so high maintenance he taught us to be a stronger team, he forced us to respect each other and be grateful for each others presence during the long hours of screaming, the tanties and meltdowns. We could see even though we were opposites it could still benefit the children, make them more 'rounded'.

I have endless patience for some things, Scorpio has endless patience in others. No one loves those kids like we do, and even though we may have screaming fights, hang up on each other and call each other horrible names (I've invented a few new ones I think) I can still phone him at all hours crying with exhaustion and worry and he will listen and share the burden. That's whats going to get us through the next 20 years or so, I'm sure.

And I just KNOW you love my birth outfit. I even had a matching pink cashmere hoodie but it wasn't in the shot.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Shamwow man returns!!!

Well maybe it's old news, but I thought it was worth a revisit.

PLEASE read this old post of mine regarding the SHAMWOW

Now you have read that bit.....I saw our friend Vince Shamwow/Ace Ventura on late night telly the other night. Now he is selling some garlic choppery thing. Can't work how the thing can peel a garlic clove without chopping it but - who cares? It prompted me to have a looky to see what Vince baby was up to...yanno has he met anymore tongue biters?

I found the original police report on the original incident (for a moment there I really thought he had another oral episode) and FARK.

How hard did she bite his tongue? How hard did her belt her to release her grip?


I dunno - read HERE


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Betty the Unsqueaky Wheel

So many days I feel guilty for my dear Betty Boo. She is never really the centre of attention because I'm always dashing off one way or another to sort Cyclone, talk to a tradie/schoolteacher/sibling/teenager whilst she sits quietly drawing.
I do my best in the small amounts of time we have alone to do girly things together but I worry it's not enough.

Sometimes she is well and truly being sick of being in the background and she gives me hints by climbing onto the table during dinner to sing I'm A Little Teapot or can't go to sleep because "my face is green".

I always thought she was just a Zen child. She seems to take everything in her stride with an ethereal smile - I've finally realised this is a very deliberate act. She doesn't want to be the squeaky wheel getting all the attention, it's not conducive to getting up to no good. Or getting revenge and stuff.

Butter hands, butter feet, butter legs. She managed to do this when I was making bread rolls right across the bench from her. A whole stick of butter.

She isn't like other kids - having to wait till mummy is on the phone till they draw on the walls she can do it when I am right in front of her.

I should have known there would be more to the Zen act when she was only 18 months old. Cyclone used to torment her and she didn't seem to mind. Then one day as I was emptying the bin and I found one of Cyclones favorite toys. I would find them in there quite often. So she never did take it lying down, my Betty Boo would wait until no one was looking and calmly toddle to the bin and dispose of a toy train or two....

Non violent resistance at its best?

Monday, June 14, 2010

I LOVE the tree!

Ach, I will miss the colours of my house!

Japanese Maples are such good value all year round, but bestest in Autumn/Winter.

I wanna take my trees with me! They were one of the many reasons I bought the house and also one of the reasons I spent alot of time on the roof clearing the gutters!
So I won't miss the raking and mulching, there is only so much one compost bin can take..

A gift from Cyclone and Betty Boo

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Year of the Lulu

Yep, I've declared it. It's time to attend to meeeeeeeee!

So Teen Queen will always need me to tell her to put a coat on, Cyclone is always going to be cyclonic and Betty Boo will need constant hair detangling for the next....well forever.
I've kept the boat afloat for the past 2 years of bluuueergh and that meant I had to push some things waay down the list of priorities. Like me. So no more of that, it's boring as hell and I'm going to start getting boring too.

So I wandered into my fave little bookshop the other day and swore I would never neglect it again. Bought 2 books and read them in three days. I refuse to put my books back into boxes (I have built in shelves at my place so I can't bring them here) and I have cleared a space ready for new bookshelves (when I find the right ones) and ready to begin collecting again.

Happily the new house is within walking distance to a roller rink and I've been dying to get some wheels on again. I neeeed to get fitter and the only way this will happen is if fitness is a by-product of doing something I enjoy. So that rules out stinky gyms and lycra.
I know it's gonna hurt, and it's going to feel GREAT. I hope I don't break a bone.

AND I am restarting my business again. This is my true calling. After I finish fiddling with some technical stuff it's back with a vengeance.


Friday, June 11, 2010


Howdy doodie laydie roonies!

So I'm in my new digs (who invented that saying and what the fuck does it mean anyway?) and I'm doing ok.

Oh shit on a stick it was a HARD MOVE. Then again aren't they all? Look, I am Queen of Time And Motion, I love to plan out and find the best "flow" and darn it I'm good at it. Not because I am some sort of time-space-continuum geek, I am just impatient AND lazy at the same time so I like to get maximum payoff for minimal effort.

So it's all planned out. Then dammit, Grandma can't take the kids off my hands for the only weekend I actually need her to (bless her cotton socks, she is a good Nanna), so I decide it would probably be better for Cyclone to see the whole dynamics of the move, it might help him to participate and pack things up.

Then dammit, the truck won't get here till the afternoon...then dammit it's not coming till the next day. Lucky I have a hangover (self pity drinking lol) and haven't taken everyones beds apart. Dammit - Cyclone was primed and ready for the truck to come and now he is bouncing off the walls because things have changed.

But we get though, I manage to set up the beds in the new house before the kids come, they are excited and have a tea party in every room. I get them to bed a little late but that's ok. Cyclone cries in the night "I wanna go home" and I cry because that's what I want too.

I realise with a BANG that I am sharing a house again. That my beautiful bed, enormous and wooden like Noahs Ark, won't fit in my room so I have a plain bed that reminds me of uni days. I cry cos I love that bed and have lost that simple pleasure on top of everything else.

But now a week has gone by. It's not so bad. Sharing a house stops me from being self-indulgent and I make sure everything is put away and has a place far more quickly than I would before, and I benefit from that.

There is still much work to do but I have written a list and separated it into days so I don't feel overwhelmed. I sit here in front of a roaring open fire, in the house of my friend, with the lappy on the couch, the phone by my side (taking calls from my buddies looking out for me this week) and not just realise - but feel how fucking rich I really am.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I gots me a new blawg

Lulu and The Cyclone.

There is alot happening here in Cyclone Town. He deserves a blog of his own - the adventure has been a long and LOUD one, and I also need to track how things are going and look back on how we got here.

Anyhoo, if you have a child on the Spectrum you will already know what I'm on about, and if you have no clue about Autism/Aspergers or no idea what Sensory Integration Dysfunction is - have a look about and join the ummmm

If you are relatively new to my rantings, please check out these past posts for a chuckle.Oh I love that kid.

Pearlers from The Cyclone

Cyclone and the Very Nice Policeman

ETA - links fixed now

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dragging my feet

Yep, it's time to pack up my little home and mosey on. I'm so conflicted, in fact right now I should be busy making arrangements but I'm blogging instead.

I'm sad that it has come to this - I hate moving and swore I never would again. I found my perfectly unperfect house in a nice street, close to all the important things and I love it to death. A big private front yard, and great big backyard with a deck overlooking..... The thing I will miss most is my huge sunny lounge room with enormous windows running the entire length. Shady in summer and in autumn the most perfect picture of a million different shades - fire red, yellows and rusty browns as the leaves of the Japanese Maples turn and fall.

I'll even miss the god awful bathroom. I think that is what bothers me most - leaving it unfinished. I had so much to complete, designs I pored over and fussed with - now I will just whack in cheap new fittings in order to lease it out.

So it's just a piece of real estate, available for rent. I have to do it, it's the smartest thing and when I think about it in unemotional terms I do get a little bit excited.

I am lucky enough to have a trusty bachelor friend with a big ole house and an invitation to stay as long as we like. Best of all it's a finished house! I can't say it won't be more relaxing to sit in the lounge in front of the fire and NOT think of something else that needs to be done. It's toasty, warm and best of all - minimal rent!

The bachelor works long hours, isn't here much but he is happy there will be someone here, there will be home cooking and the porch light will be on when he does come home. I can get ahead again financially, will have time to restart my business and help Cyclone with his schooling......maybe even look at investing in more property in the next 12 months. WOOOO!

It has been worth the slog over the last 2 years. I guarded my investment like Cerberus (although moaning that I couldn't afford shiny things anymore), knowing it was the key to bigger and better things in the long run, loving that it was ALL MINE, I gots it all by myself. (I'm going on a bit about that but I know there are other single mummies reading this and I want to make a point that it can be done)

Oh lordy I have warned him about the noise factor of 2 children - repeatedly - but he says "that's what pubs are for, they sleep at night don't they?"

Ummm, yeah - after 15 rounds with Betty Boo, she does go to sleep. Eventually.

Anyway, I can't dilly dally anymore. I must go and throw out all the broken and useless toys before the kids get back from their grandparents....

I love dilly dally. I NEVER get a chance to use it.


Thursday, June 3, 2010


This is my fave cartoon in the world. My dad has it in his office and it never fails to make me smile.

I am the frog right now. But the good news is I AM WINNING!