Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Working from home & surviving it

I know lots of mumma's want to work from home. Of course you do.....BUT.....it's not as easy as you think it might be. It's incredibly hard to find something above board, there are plenty of shonky type ads but they will never come to anything.

The thought of working in your jarmies all day is good at first BUT it's very hard to be productive when you look like a schlep. It just is.

No matter what there will still need to be some sort of outside contact, be it face to face with clients or via the phone.
The children will still interrupt you no matter what. You will likely still need childcare at some level so can go meet with people or at least make a phone call without a "muuuummmmmeeeee" in the background.

You need huge amounts of discipline to really knuckle down, people drop in because they know you are there, you quickly load the dishwasher before you start, then it's time for lunch before you know it.

Reality pic. Betty trying to feed through my back and Cyclone pressing all the keys on the computer. Me looking a TREAT.

I used to get up after the 4am feed and get 2 hours of work done in the silence. Kids up around 7-8am. An hour or so of phone calls after lunch and my day would end. I also needed face to face time sans children - if you have a business at home client contact is just as important as the work you do...or you won't have any business. I can't tell you the amount of times I tried to sound professional during a call with a 2 year old Cyclone banging on the door whilst I hold it shut with my foot. I hid in the wardrobe a few times too. You still need childcare working from home!

However this was the face I presented to everyone. Yanno, making it look sooooo easy.
After awhile I got a little sick of being held up by the parent company as a mascot for 'how easy it is to work at home'. It wasn't easy. It sucked. Yes I made $$$, yes I worked hard but EASY it wasn't. I didn't feel it was fair to present like this without giving people the actual reality. You can't set people up like that. I had a few fallouts with a *insert swear here* from the parent company over this so she completely cut off my supply line.

Thus ending my business. The Bitch.


Pic by Simon Frost

Scorpio again has outdone himself. He always has something interesting happen to him (and it usually involves the police somehow) but this one? Woooooooooo!

He came in late last night with a very weird look on his face. Pour me a drink and listen to this, I'm totally freaked out. Mmmmkay dear.

So he was driving back here, it was raining lightly. Out of nowhere a man appeared in the median strip and stepped straight into the path of the little white car ahead.

He watched in horror as the man flew up and over the little white car. Scorpio swerved but felt the impact on the side of the car as he hit the man as well. A sick making thud.
Scorpio stops, the white car has half run onto the pavement - both drivers and a passenger get out and look at each other in sheer horror. The man in white car keeps saying, "he came out of nowhere, he came out of nowhere!".

They can't find the man they hit.

They search everywhere in the rain. Another man who was behind Scorpio also stopped and brings out a huge torch. They call an ambulance and the police.

The police arrive and get the spotlights out. Nothing. Another squad car arrives, they search too. Still nothing. An older cop gathers everyone together - all 4 witness and takes their names. He takes a breath and says - you probably won't hear anything from us. This has happened before along this stretch of road. I don't know what you believe in, and I don't know what to tell you except this has happened before.

They check the cars. NO DAMAGE. The little white car hit him head on, Scorpio hit him right on the indicator area of my car. NO DAMAGE. Nothing.

This was an a main road through a suburban area. Scorpio can't stop talking about the horrible crunch and the noise - how he felt the impact.

He didn't sleep well last night, the whole episode kept playing over in his mind. He remembers the hoodie and trackpants the guy was wearing - the look of horror on the faces of the first driver and his wife......and the quiet realisation that came over everyone that was there. The other drivers, the police and the ambos.


Monday, May 24, 2010

Plans out the window!

Betty Boo had a restless night last night.

I had a full day of running around planned, and that included a meeting at the school at 12pm.

I hope I can get through this mess by then, I can't take her out looking like this!

I'm armed with detangler and 3 different combs.

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm still here!

I am. I'm just dodging a few bullets. I'd like to stay in the toasty warm and type wittiness all day, but sadly I am required to pull on the spandex and get all super-powery again.

Pass me the tequila!!!!!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Cool School Photos

I can't wait to get Cyclones first school photos. Even more so because they are so cool.

I was thrilled to see the way they do the school photos - geeze they are expensive even in kinder.
I have been going through alot of old photos recently and found my stash of school pics of both Teen Queen and what really stood out - apart from my Yr12 photo wearing a Guns N Roses T-shirt and black jeans stoned out of my tree *cringe *giggle - was how "stiff" they are.

There are the few grins, a lot of vaguely uptight looks and really no one is having fun.

Not at Cyclones little school. They take the usual individual shots and the class ones. They also do friend and family groups and the kids can do whatever they want. No stiff poses and unsure smiles here! The kids are clowning around, arms around each other and true, happy smiles everywhere.
Also on offer is a full school pic. Every student and teacher and as many animals as they can round up on the day.

You should see the class shots - all the kids get into ridiculous poses and pull faces with their teacher right alongside them all.

Now THAT's the kind of class photo I want....

Monday, May 17, 2010


Today was interesting. I got a phone call from Scorpio that word on the street was that my hairdresser (and friend) is having an affair with her brother in law and is also adopted.

This is funny because it's not true, but I thought I schlep on over to her place for a giggle. My hairdresser seems to attract nutters to her every so often so I thought I'd let her know she has a new one.

Yes we laughed, yes she was aware of the 'rumour' and by the way what's the deal with the hat Lulu?

"Ach JessTress, my hair has gone all greasy again so I'm not washing it for awhile to balance out the oils and stuff".

Dead silence.

"It's an urban myth isn't it?"



Sunday, May 16, 2010

Happy Time!

oh Yeah.

I've been given this award by E who likes Whining at the World, and for a change I am going to PING it back straight away instead of writing it down in my diary and leaving it there.

Here are 10 things that make me happy. Yeah, love my family, love my pets, love chocolate - that's a given.

1) Laughing - it's my favourite thing in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE
2) Sleeping children
3) Solitude
4) Bed
5) Tequila and Vodka Martinis
6) My friends
7) Turkey rolls with peanut butter, cheese and carrot
8) Learning new stuff
9) A great cut and colour
10) Long, hot baths

Now I tag

Growing Nelle
Lady of the Longhouse
BM I don't care
So Now What
Time in the Jungle

I better go tell everyone, I never do when I tag them!
If you don't do these things, that's cool. I love the awards and memes, I'm just hopeless at keeping them going.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

Oil Slick

Even Neils hair looks better than mine right now.

I'm not washing it for 2 weeks, if I can last the distance. I need to restore the oil/hair balance since I find myself having to wash it every day. Not good, especially now its long again.

I always have a 12 month hair plan, yes I do. I don't go around chopping it off or colouring it because I'm bored, cos that's how I get into trouble and end up with crapola fuzz instead of hair. I love dramatic change and often - don't get me wrong.

My hair grows so fast I don't mind going super short, or platinum blonde, then 8 different colours at once, then chocolate brown - ah you get the picture, I just have it planned out in advance and according to the seasons.

SHUDDUP - it's one of the few things I actually can control around here!

So lucky it's winter, I have hats and I look rather fetching with braids.

What a boring post.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Welcome to WTF?

Ever read the piece "Welcome to Holland"? Check it out HERE. It was written in reference to finding yourself with a child with a disability but all the mums of kiddies On The Spectrum liked it so much we pinched it for ourselves.

Madmother did her own version called Welcome to Somalia

The Steward announces over the intercom - Welcome to Holland! Errrm, no I tell her - this plane is going to Italy! I paid for these tickets months ago, I've learnt how to say alcohol in every different dialect!

The Steward looks confused and returns shortly - there has been a mix up, I'll get back to you. After circling for hours she returns and announces we will be landing in Las Vegas! WTF? I don't want to go there - it's too bright and shiny and the noise never stops. I planned on Italy, dammit. What's wrong with these people?

Oh thank goodness the plane is decending....I look out the window and see Somalia - NOOOO! The plane suddenly raises altitude again and I watch whilst we fly over Egypt *sigh, circle over Iran, over Nepal *sigh

I need to stretch my legs, I'm sick of watching Adam Sandler movies over and over and the food is just wretched.

I have no idea where or when this plane is landing and now I don't care. At least I'll have friends in Holland and Somalia...maybe a few in Las Vegas. I just want to GET OFF.

Where do they keep the fucking parachutes?????


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Scorpio and The Aquaman.

So as previously mentioned I have 2 ex-husbands. One I actually married in a church, the other I married by having his babies.

Yes I am great friends with both. Yes Scorpio and Aquaman think highly of each other and have talked shit over a beer or three on several occasions.

A few people in my life have met both. Many people in my life have only met one or the other. Nothing is funnier the moment when someone meets The Other One. They look at me funny.

Because these 2 boys are as different as night and day.

This is Scorpio.

Bad, nasty, irresponsible, inconsiderate. Dark, broody and INCORRIGIBLE. Anti-social, not afraid of anything, tells me horrible stories, makes me laugh. He thinks I am the Awesome Birthing Goddess and tells everyone he meets. Beats up assholes hurting women and rescues small dogs from hot cars (twice actually). Doesn't care if I go out with my friends or when I get home. No one on this planet makes me angrier than this man. No one on this planet can get me into bed faster.

This is The Aquaman.

Considerate, housetrained, capable, social and fun. Sporty, good at everything he does. Always flying in on his white charger (umm, ute/pickup) and pulling me out of a jam. Never a week went by without a bunch of flowers and dragging me somewhere interesting for the weekend. Calms me down just by being in the room. Makes me a little bit 1950's. Likes to know where I am and who I am with. Convinced I poop rose petals.

I've spent YEARS trying to work out a way to cut the best bits out of both of them so I can jam them back together as some sort of Ultimate Man. As much as they both have awesome points, both of them shit me to tears as well.
Actually looking back on this situation I'm just not sure if I'm commitment phobic or not. Meh.

Sigh. It sucks being a Gemini sometimes.

Using references from Buffy the Vampire Slayer would of course mean this is me

I can live with that image....

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

So I'm a lot bit TICKLISH

This is Sushee trying to straighten my patterned stockings.

It freaks me out if anyone touches my feet.

In fact the thought of someone touching my feet makes me squirm. People threatening to tickle my feet makes me hyperventilate and nearly wet my pants in fear.
I have resorted to warning people I won't be responsible for their hospital bills if they consider it.

But sometimes it's unavoidable. There was no way Sushee would let me go out with wonky stockings, so here are pictures of me doing my best to contain myself.

You just have to see it to believe it.

Catching Up

This is me at the moment. I'm trying to catch up on Blogworld, I am!

I have so many things I've been tagged in, and a few lovelies that I want to acknowledge.

I'll get there.....

just have to renovate 2 bathrooms, buy a new stove, get a new water pump fitted in the car, get to dad's appointments, Cyclones appointments, meet with the school, meet with Pediatrician and measure up for new curtains and fix the gazebo

I'll get there, I mean it....

Monday, May 10, 2010

No fluffy slippers and an Ode To My Bed

Oh joy. Mothers Day 2010. THE Perfect Day.

Sleep in. Wake to the sounds of Scorpio trying to keep the children away from the bedroom door.

Wake properly when he relents and the children pounce on me screaming HAPPY MUVVERS DAY!!!! Kisses and cuddles aplenty. Handmade gifts that make me cry

Breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, endless cups of tea in bed, United States of Tara in bed, Season 8 of Scrubs and Sunday papers IN BED.

The kids come in and out through the day and we eat Toblerone chocolate together. After lunch Scorpio took them out to play with their cousins so I had a shower, put on my new pajamas (my next favourite thing after bed is PJ's!). Shook the crumbs from the sheets, remade the bed and tidied the floor.

And got back into bed.

I even ate Pizza for dinner IN BED. Teen Queen made an appearance for that and also polished off the rest of the chocolate.

Which reminds me - no matter how much of a hardass I was to my Teen Queen, no matter how I embarrassed her by refusing to allow her to drink, picking her up from parties, not allowing her to stay over at boys houses (or anyone I didn't know), making her go to school and FORCING her to load the dishwasher, stand up straight and speak clearly, she still loves me.

Teen Queen actually went without and saved her pennies to buy her mumma some Bling

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I got the time but the time don't pay

Love that song - heard it yet? It totally rocks and it's my new soundtrack - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G3h17i6xEM

But this post isn't about that - it's about why I cook.

Now I said from the start that this is never going to be a recipe blog and it's NOT. But I have from time to time posted a few of my own with my typical Unperfect instructions. I actually have quite a crappy relationship with food myself and my attention span is too short to be a really dedicated foodie.

I am however a technical type of foodologist, and that all started the first semester of Nutrition at college - in which the class collectively lost about 30 kilos. I highly recommend it if you want to lose weight yourself. When you find out the hideous amounts of utter CRAP jammed into "food" these days it's relatively easy to not eat it.

There isn't any real food in supermarkets, I promise. Anything that can stay on the shelf for anything longer than 3 days (short of things like flour, sugar, honey etc) stopped being food the day it was sealed in 'fresh' foil, plastic or even brown paper to really suck you in.

If you can READ you can COOK. There isn't any excuse. Don't whine at me that you don't have the time - if I can do it ANYONE can.

AAAAANND the best bit of cooking - is that it does save you time and money. If you do it right.

Always cook huge batches, you may as well because it probably adds about 10 minutes overall to cook double of something and freeze it for another day. You can have an entire WEEK off cooking by doing this......and there is nothing better than being tired and remembering you need only defrost a meal at the end of the day.

I made 8 DOZEN biscuits today (cookies if you are a Yank), vanilla, vanilla choc chip and double chocolate. I'm not crazy enough to bake it all at once - just roll the dough in cling wrap and freeze it. Bake as you need. I think that lot cost me about $5.

Arrange swaps with friends. One can do a big batch of soup, one spagetti sauces and maybe one can do bikkies/muffins. Everyone will have half their weeks dinner and snacks done with one Sunday afternoon frenzy.

Loud music and a glass or three of wine is a must for me. Kids should always be included if you can stand it.

So I cook because I am sanctimonious and povvo......but it's also one of the reasons I have managed for so long on so little!


Monday, May 3, 2010

Of course I have a plan

Yep, I've got it pretty much worked out so I can turn everything on it's head. Tis gonna take a lot of hard work though and I have to get it sorted out quickly.

Winter in Melbourne is NO place to be running around with your undies on the outside....

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Ach - so I'm povvo. It's not going to change unless I do something drastic, and that's in the works now. So out of the long months of denial and freefall into the next chapter of Not Being Povvo Anymore.

Here's how I got here -

My marriage to Aquaman sadly hit the skids. I was working full time in a government job and things were sweet financially. I only had Teen Angst Queen...who was then known as Awesome Child.

Scorpio reappeared in my life and Cyclone arrived on the scene..errm rather quickly. Something to do with Scorpios house burning down and me clearly providing waaaaay to much comfort *snort *giggle.

I was also working part time for my father and when Cyclone was 4 months old I started a business in party plan (a cool one - ok?).
I bought a house when pregnant with Betty Boo (sucked in my tummy to get the loan) and the business started to take off. Took Mat Leave and juggled the business pretty well.

Home Business kept flying but it became apparent that I had to choose between business and family. Had savings so sailed through for awhile.

Returned to full time work when Betty was 2. Unmitigated disaster. Got shafted by stupid government - the day I showed up for work I was told I was moved to a totally different section meaning I had to completely re-train therefore stuffing my chances to return to my original salary and beyond within the timescale I required. Childcare, petrol, 2 hours a day in traffic and a Betty that wouldn't sleep turned me into a wreck within weeks and I had to chuck it in.

Bills piling up, picked up work here and there. Cyclones issues becoming more and more obvious. Thankfully find cheap therapist. Cyclone has sensory issues. This explains the intense and endless tantrums.

Betty needs a specialist for her eyes. Betty needs glasses. Car needs to be serviced. Cyclone needs a Paediatrition.

Return to study. Complete.

Start home business. Can't give it the attention but enjoy it immensely when I can.

Telly blows up. Children need clothes and food. Broken window. Car radiator bursts. Cyclone needs bigger carseat.

The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

This wouldn't be a problem if I could have gone back to full time work, but I can't. I would need way too much time off. Cyclone has a bunch of appointments ($600 worth), he is in a school that I ADORE but costs because it's independent. I also need to be able to pick him up when he has a moment. No employer would cop that.

Now with my father unwell and needing me around alot more I've got a snowflakes chance in hell of getting back to the workforce anytime soon. I'm glad to be available to dad, it's just a heap of fricken irony that the moment he needs me I'm teetering off the edge. Fuck it.

I've hung in there for AGES, scraping by and never missing a mortgage payment but sacrificing everything else in the meantime. It's not working and the quality of life is.....craptacular.

It's allll over red rover.