Friday, January 14, 2011

Today

I called it a funeral but it's not. It will be a celebration....but when I woke this morning I realised I was far too close to the edge. Will I even make it through? Just a few more hours.

We are having 2 send offs Amy because - well we can't find a place big enough to hold everyone. There are so many people I long to see and hold, no one will be wearing black. People are coming from all over the world, interstate and around the corner.

I can feel the overwhelming need from so many people wanting to pay tribute and to show her family how much they loved her. The circus and film friends have been so so sweet with their gentle enquiries - will the service be in a church? (hell no) Is it ok if we don't wear black? (hell yeah).

The circus has offered their tent to hold the second service. I am going to be the ringmaster, and we will gather in the tent so I can blow the whistle for one minute of wild ruckus in respect. There will be drums, juggling, hoops, firetwirling. We will all go mad. We will sing songs, swap stories laugh and cry.

But I'm just distracting myself from today.

Holding on just a little bit longer, just a bit longer for my family

48 comments:

Mumstrosity said...

It sounds like it's going to be a fantastic celebration of life xo

Madmother said...

It sounds wonderful - full of life, light and magical chaos, from what you say about Amy, exactly the sort of celebration she would love.

You will find today hard yet magnificent and a bit of a blur. But in times to come you will look back and go "Hell, yeah." when you think of it.
One more thing, make sure people take photos. You will find the day surreal but it will, in the future, be a comforting part of closure.

xxxx

Wanderlust said...

Wishing you strength and comfort today. I hope you have many hands around you to provide you with a soft place to fall when you need it.

I'm hosting FYBF for Lori today and I've invited people to link up their posts of tribute to you and Amy. xx

Curvaceous Queen said...

Embrace the pain and celebrate the joy her life gifted you one small step at a time.

Maxabella said...

Now that will be a send off to be proud of! This is the way I would like to be remembered too.

Have courage today, Lulu. x

Lady Astrid said...

What a fabulous send off you have planned for Amy.

You are doing a fantastic job!

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Thinking of you xx

Veronica said...

Funerals are hard. I hope you're doing okay by now and please, take the time and be kind to yourself. Your sister sounds like an amazing woman.

Fi said...

Oh Lulu, I've only just found your blog through Kristin's at Wanderlust & just wanted to send my love & thoughts.

I'm so sorry.

And I know that's a shitful, useless thing to say, but I've got nothing else.

No wise words of advice or wisdom, nothing deep and meaningful - just an honest to goodness Sorry.

I hope you're surrounded by people who love you & who love Amy and that the celebration of her life is all she deserved it to be.

Lucy said...

Luce, you have been in my thoughts all day. I know you will have held it together.

I hope by the time that you read this that the grievous pressure is released.

xx

Nerdycomputergirl said...

Thinking of you and hope today is a wonderful celebration of your sister's life.

MaidInAustralia said...

Thinking of you darling. Funerals are hard, but they are just one way to say goodbye to a loved one. You can work the rest out whenever the hell you want. It won't feel real for a long time, but I believe (and respect you may not) that those who leave us are still with us somehow. Someway. And we will be together again one day. (And sorry, totally didn't want to rhyme, hate that.) xo

Abby said...

I think the circus tent service sounds like a perfect way to send her off.. From what you have written about Amy, it sounds like HER.. And with you being the ringmaster.... Well... That's you!
Lulu, I'm thinking about you.. What else is there to say??

suburp said...

We will be thinking of you. AND of your sister Amy who had so many friends and who, through your words, has found a place in our hearts as well.. take care, ringmaster! xx

ecosopher said...

Thinking of you and keeping you all in my thoughts, especially today.

Mrs Woog said...

Sounds like a fitting tribute. I hope it was wonderful xoxo

Madmother said...

My beautiful friend, how can you be gone? :-(

Melissa said...

I can't believe this is real. It can't be? It's all a dreadful mistake.

Loz said...

All I can say is that I hope you got through the day and trite as it sounds it will get better from now on, hard as that is to believe

kim at allconsuming said...

What is going on with the world at the moment? It is just complete madness. Thinking of you in this, the hardest of times.

Anonymous said...

It's so hard to think that you won't be writing in your blog anymore. You're gone and you're not coming back. You're up there partying with Amy. You will be greatly missed Lulu.

Dee said...

It's sad reading her last blog entry... her last sentence... "holding on just a little bit longer, just a bit longer for my family"

You will be greatly missed Lulu xoxo

edenland said...

Lulu, I have only just met you ... reading your words, right now today. Your love for your sister, your children, her child, your mother ... all so very clear and evident. And now you are gone too and I can't make any sense of it.

My biggest love and thoughts go to you all, on this earth and beyond. Please know a total stranger has lit a candle for you today.

xox

Sarah said...

i'm so sorry you couldn't stay with us lucy. i really thought i had all the time in the world to meet you irl but i was so wrong.

i hope you're still kicking butt & dishing out those post-its

xx

Anonymous said...

I just found Lucy and my god she was a laugh a minute.

The world has lost a little ray of laugher, sunshine and life.

RIP Lucy. Lots of love to cyclone & Betty boo.

Tash said...

You held on wonderfully. You looked so beautiful in your red and white polka dot dress. It was a fabulous send off for Amy. Your love for her just shone.

I wish so much that you could have stayed. So many people miss you. It was a fabulous honour to have you as a friend. I just wish it could have been longer.

Rock on Lucy. I expect the drinks to be cold when it's time to join you. Xxxxx

Madmother said...

I still come here to see you, you know. Am wondering how your family are coping. Worrying about Cyclone.

Miss you beautiful girl. Really miss you.

Jen & Darren said...

I really miss you Lulu. I too come and read your posts, knowing that I have to eek them all out, not be too greedy & finish them all at once because there aren't going to be any more.

I am thankful that you wrote this, that Cyclone, Betty Boo & Teen Queen have this, memories of their mum and how much you love them.

I'm so annoyed for your you Lulu, you'd be so pissed off. As if you'd leave your beautiful family for even a second.

xox

Maxabella said...

Still missing you, Lulu. You were a blogger who touched my heart. I can't bring myself to 'unfollow' you so every now and then, here I am. x

Madmother said...

Me too Maxabella, me too.

Am wondering if your family know you can turn your blog into a book? It would be a wonderful way to preserve all your words Lulu. See, though you are gone I know you still see. xx

Anonymous said...

I still am reading here Lucy, I don't have much
free time with words kids and study. But I love
coming Jere and seeing ur words and re reading
ur stories... I miss u my funny friend xx

Melissa said...

It's been a month now, and I'm thinking of you. I can't bring myself to unfollow either.
My love to your family.

littlelara said...

sad, just sad

Romina Garcia said...

Hope it was a wonderful tribute xx

http://rominagarciamartyrhood.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Madmother: How can i turn her blog into a book??

Belle ( or as mum called me "Teen Queen" )

Teni said...

Belle, if you get to see this, look up Blog2Print :)

Madmother said...

Hi Belle, you beautiful girl (see, we feel like we know you through your Mum's words).

If you go onto your Mum's dashboard for this blog there will be a link at the bottom called help resources. Go into help and search for what Teni said, Blog2Print.

You should be able to get a quote for producing a book.

Hope each day is a little eased, think of your family often.

xx
MM
PS Any other questions please ask.

Being Me said...

Here I am again. I come back here occasionally. Just hover around :( Thought I would comment this time. Still so touched and deeply saddened by the loss of these two gorgeous sisters from their family.

The blog2book - what a marvellous thing. Belle< I hope you found out how to do it. Much love.

My heart goes out to you all xoxox

Madmother said...

Hey you. Did you know there is a big party being planned in your honour? I am pissed to miss it by a mere 7 days, I was in your home turf last week. Thought of you and wondered how yours are doing with this gaping big hole where you were.

You touched so many Lucy. Oh God, I'm sorry, just can't call you anything but Lulu. Always Lulu. We miss your sunshine, your mad crazy humour, your everything. What do ya reckon about how the blog roll has grown? See, nobody has left and a few have jumped on board! I hope you and Amy have the whole place terrified, wherever you are. I hope the parties are loud, the people fun and the place a rocking.

Will be thinking of you this Sunday. Hell, I think of you most days. Party hard beautiful one, kick some afterlife arse. M'kay?

Diminishing Lucy said...

Is it so mad that I get so sad and excited and hopeful that this is all a fucked up bad dream Luce, and that when I see links back to your blog via mine that it is really you saying Hi and poking your tongue out at me?

Madmother said...

Was reading back on of my Asperger posts, and there you were having a comment conversation. June 2010. Not so long ago, and yet forever now you are gone.

Recovering said...

My God this is so sad...

Diminishing Lucy said...

Have just been messing about with BluntCards. All I could think about was you Luce. xx

Nelle said...

Come back Lu?

Diminishing Lucy said...

FFS, where are you? I miss you. Just read this and cried. And cried.

http://shamozal.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/i-cant-delete-you.html

xx

Madmother said...

Another year nearly gone. I don't blog anymore, I just don't have the heart. It is now a commercial pig fight where everyone has jumped on the bandwagon and fame and fortune are sought. Not wrong, just not me.

I still come here to read, still miss you and the old days. Still think of you and wonder how the kids are doing.
You should see Boy 1. Six foot, handsome and doing so very well. I guess the Cyclone is taller, older, more mature too.

Miss you too much on some days Lulu.

Anonymous said...

Found myself reading some BB posts of yours just now, and wanted to leave another message. We were never close like you were with others, but I always felt a certain respect and affinity with you. Geez, we all miss you so much. It's insane that there are people there who don't know who you are, the impact you made. Some of us are still waiting for you to come back. Like you're just having a chat with the possums or something...

xox T

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