I told everyone in web/blog world that I am giving up smoking because I have to be accountable to someone. I know lots of you are behind me (and a certain Glamourcidal lady needs to hear about it) and it's far easier to let yourself down than your cheer squad.
I also have a personal vendetta against anyone that says "oh I just stopped one day and never went back". Fucking LIARS. I didn't expect to fall pregnant as quickly as I did with Cyclone and had terrible trouble giving up. I really struggled....and I also felt unbelievable hatred towards myself that it wasn't that easy.
I ended up chopping down to one half in the morning and one half in the afternoon. I could do no more. EVERY, SINGLE person I spoke to about it said the same thing "as soon as I knew I was pregnant I didn't take another puff".
I had ONE work colleague that was so sympathetic and agreed she found it terrible - the guilt more than anything. Later on, 100% of these fuckers that breezily told me it was easy, actually confessed they either didn't give up at all (but cut down HEAPS) or it took them MONTHS to finally kick the cigarettes.
Pissed off doesn't even begin to describe the way I felt.
But I love my friends that are HONEST and tell me they still feel the cravings 9 years after they have given up, that they still miss it some days. That want to sit next to me and my stinky cigarette after a few beers and breathe in the aroma (foulness) before remembering why they stopped. Thank you for your honesty.
So I promise to give it to you balls and all ok? If I stumble I will tell you, when I don't I'm gonna SHOUT IT TO YOU and when I get to the end I will thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So far - I got through 2 days Cold Turkey.
Day 3 I "patched up" with Nicorette Patches but ended up have 2 after a particularly horrific day with Cyclone.
I realised that I just wasn't prepared enough. I realised that smoking is just about the ONLY time I have to myself. If mummy is out the back having a cigarette the kids know they have to keep away (and for some bloody reason they listen). In fact I know that is the reason I took it back up again when Cyclone was 4 months old - no one was going to hand me a screaming baby if mummy had a fag hanging out her mouth.
I have to replace that. Maybe I will go and lock myself in the toilet the old fashioned way instead? I also NEVER smoke outside my home (unless it's a night on the town), so I'm used to getting home from being out all day and heading straight out the back for a ciggie. How do I replace THAT habit? I seem to be ok going for hours and hours without one - as long as I know I can have one at the end of the day. Hhhmmm.
So at this point I am allowing myself 5 per day - UNTIL I can get a bit more jiggy with it.
Today I went back to my old house to get my Allan Carr book which really REALLY makes a difference and I will read some of it each night before bed.
Let's see how the next week goes.....EEEeeeeeKKS!
If you have any tips - share them won't you pleeeease?
Presence - Of all the gifts that trauma brought me, the greatest is the ability to be present. When my children were younger I was rarely present. They would chatte...