Thursday, August 5, 2010

Leafblower dude - you blow

Firstly I have to credit Andrea at Revealing The Real Me for this episode.

I found myself responding to her post...but it got so long it was embarrassing so I backpedaled and thought it would be better to post it here rather than taking up her comment space with my rantings.

So - powertools on the weekend don't bother me. Either it spurs me on to get Up And At 'Em or I re-roll back into my doona and smirk at all the busy suckers in the world.

Sadly across the road from my old house lived a retired man. With a leafblower.

Every second day for at least an hour this silly bored fucker would have that leaf blower going at full pelt. These things don't have the low grunty sound of the chainsaw or the lawnmower. They have this horrible high pitched weeeeeeeeeee thing going like an outdoor vacuum cleaner, and it makes me want to hurt people. It took me ages to figure it out what it was because he does most of his blowing in his backyard and I couldn't work out the source of the head-splitting noise for ages.

By my calculations - since stupidhead neighbour has this thing going so often that on average he will be blowing away about 9 leaves per day. Heard of a RAKE???? Or do you have arborphobia?

I've even seen the silly old bugger running around on his roof, blowing 5 whole leaves out of his gutters. Before winter has even begun. I can't tell you how freakin pleased I am that I moved before all the leaves dropped because I couldn't go through listening to the shrill racket every day for two whole months.

Without a doubt I would have ended up rigging up a potato cannon in order to knock the bastard off the roof, hopefully landing on the infernal machine breaking it into 8 billion pieces.

this is a potato cannon,
thanks to Ants World for the pic

Anyhoo, I headed off to the old place to get some work done and borrowed Aquamans dirty great big leaf SUCKER. It's like the leaf blowers crazy biker big brother and I luuurrve wielding that thing. He never lets me use it usually so I couldn't wait to get it going. Of course I made sure I started it in the driveway so the neighbour could see and then treated him to hours of the joyous sounds of PROPER POWER TOOLS.

I know it gave him the shits because I saw him peeking out from behind his curtains, and stupid as my glee in powertool one upmanship (upwomanship?) is it made clearing up my monstrous garden in the freezing cold just a little easier....


Sue said...

Lulu, I found your blog through BB, and I tried to send you a PM on BB but your mailbox was full..... anyway.....

I love love love your blog, I'm such a blog whore - my reader list is soooo long and now you're at the top of it.

Freaking awesome woman!
Sue xxxx

(MummaSue on BB) xx

Lulu said...

Awwww, tanks Sue! I cleared my inbox finally xoxoxo

Andrea said...

Lol, love your response to my comment last week! Thank god oyu don't live near my aunty she is Leaf Blower Crazy - so much its a family joke. She even got the damn thing out on Mother's Day!!

Being Me said...

This is hilarious! I hope for your sake there aren't too many deciduous trees in your street because come autumn, it's all going to start again...